Friday, August 21, 2009
It's back. Wives' Words. The first two installments were so well received that I decided to start posting it again. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.
This week's wife is Jane Maritz from the wonderful blog, Mozi Esmé. One of my favorite and regular reads Jane writes through the eyes of her 2 year-old daughter, Esmé, sharing kids activities, craft ideas, community involvement and even fashion tips on a global level – Esmé spent her first two years living in Mozambique.
Here's Mrs. Maritz's Wives' Words:
Name: Jane Maritz
Husband’s name: Hendrik Maritz
Years married: 15 as of August 7
Children (ages): Esmé - age 28 months
Occupation: Currently a stay-at-home mom; previously in Accounting, Financial Systems, and Financial Management
Blogs/websites: Mozi Esme - the day-to-day adventures of Miss Esmé; and Winning Readings - a bulletin board of family-friendly book giveaways
What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I honestly can't remember any fears. I got married young (when I was 20), and all I can remember is being excited about it!
The previous year I had been accepted into medical school in the US, while my future husband was in South Africa. I struggled with deciding whether to stay in the US or try to get into med school in South Africa so I could be closer to him. Psalm 139:9-10 became very meaningful; knowing God was with me no matter my decision alleviated my fears... Med school never materialized, but I did get married!
What’s the best thing about having a husband?
Never being lonely.
There is always someone to talk to; someone to share the latest gossip and thoughts and ideas. My husband is passionate about EVERYTHING, which makes him a great listener and conversationalist. And he is a great problem-solver, which means I never have to stress about solving problems on my own.
What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Figuring out my husband's "love language" and using it.
We are complete opposites. I do a great job of showing love the way I want to be loved. But it's meaningless to him. I want acceptance and appreciation. He wants inspiration and motivation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg in our differences. So we both feel like we're being selfless in GIVING the other what WE want, yet we're both feeling unsatisfied because we're not GETTING what we want.
What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
That marriage takes work.
For the first 10 years of our marriage, I thought it was easy. Being laid back, I didn't stress over things much. Our financial philosophies are similar; we never fought over things; we just seemed to be great companions. Marriage didn't seem to require much effort. The last 5 years have been rough, to be honest. Having a child (who we both adore!) accentuates our differences and gives us less time to focus on each other. And I'm wishing I had invested more of my time into our relationship in the early years. Spent less time following my own interests and found little ways to make his day, to let him know I'm interested in every aspect of his life, to let him know I care about what makes him happy.
What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Be genuinely interested in your husband's life!
It's not enough to just listen to what he has to say about his day and to passively accompany him to football games (or rock climbing and whitewater rafting) or whatever his hobby may be. Read up on his line of work and on his hobbies so you can converse intelligently. Visit his job site regularly if possible. Make a point of finding out something new about him every day - of figuring out his favorite snacks or musicians, his favorite massage spots, his little pet peeves, what makes him feel loved - so you can do things for him that show you really care about him as a person. To some people, this comes naturally; to others like me, it takes a conscious decision and effort...
Thanks, Mrs. Maritz!
How about you? Got some Wives' Words? Wives everywhere want to know …
Winks & Smiles,