Wifey's Chattin' it Up

I’ll be chattin’ it up with my BlogRollin’ partner and host of The ChatterBox Show, Christie Crowder, on Blog Talk Radio tomorrow, February 19, at 10 a.m. EST. I’ll be sharing wife-saving advice from my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed … What Do I Do Now: Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage, with brides-to-be, new and veteran wives.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage but there is something wrong with not finding out. Hope to see you there …

Winks & Smiles,

Read more...

September Sale

It's September. That's seems like a good time to have a sale. An end-of-wedding-season-make-sure-you-have-the-perfect-gift-for-every-new-bride sale featuring:

That's right, I'm having an end of wedding season sale for my book, “Help! I'm a Newlywed … What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage." Buy a signed copy of the book directly from me during the month of September for only $10. That's nearly 50 percent off the regular price of $19.95. Did I mention that shipping is FREE? Unless you need it rushed of course, but did I mention that shipping is FREE?

It's the perfect gift for every new bride and a great refresher for veteran wives, too. No, really it is. I know I wrote it so of course I'm going to say that, but really other people think so, too. And I didn't even have to pay them. Not that I would. Pay them. Ahem. But I'm just sayin'. To read what others said about the book click here; and to order a copy for yourself, sister, friend, cousin or co-worker e-mail me directly at info@askwifey.com.

Winks & Smiles,

Read more...

Are You Married to a Sports Fanatic?

In honor of March Madness, I thought this would be appropriate:

Ten signs of a sports fanatic...

Your husband’s score is determined by how many signs apply to him. Give your hubby one point for every behavior that applies.

1. He watches ESPN's SportsCenter more than three times in a row. SportsCenter, a daily sports news show, often re-airs the same show several times a day until the next one is produced. It's like watching the same Entertainment Tonight more than once.

2. He listens to sports radio every time he’s in the car and thinks the “2 Live Stews" should run for political office. The “2 Live Stews" are two brothers who have one of the most popular nationally syndicated sports talk shows in the country. Think The View for men — hot topics and all.

3. He’s superstitious and has to wear his team’s jersey, baseball hat, underwear, socks or some sort of paraphernalia while watching the game. He’ll even pull it out of the dirty laundry if it’s not clean. OK, I’m not telling on Napoleon here, but let’s just say I can vouch for this one from firsthand experience.

4. If his team loses, you can pretty much forget the romantic dinner that you planned for later. His mood is ruined as if he missed the game-winning field goal himself.

5. His idea of the perfect trip is traveling across country by plane, train or automobile to tailgate (enjoy barbecue and beer) in the parking lot of the stadium where his favorite team plays even if he doesn’t have tickets to go in and see the game. Being in the parking lot is enough for him.

6. He really can’t understand why his team’s bean bag, blanket, throw pillows, lamp and football-shaped clock do not go with the decor of your living room. Refer to the Living Together chapter; this is exactly why every man should have his own space in your home.

7. He can’t remember your birth date, how old his mother is, or to pick up the dry-cleaning on his way home from work, but he can tell you who won the 1982 Super Bowl (the San Francisco 49ers) and recite all of the game statistics, including who quarterbacked, how many yards he threw for, what the defense did, and give you an announcer’s style descriptive play-by-play of the entire game.

8. He thinks NASCAR would be a great name for your first child. Boy or girl.

9. He seriously suggested borrowing against his 401k or taking out a second mortgage on your house to buy one season ticket for his favorite team. One. That means even if you want to, you don’t get to go.

10. He enters every “biggest fan” contest dying for the opportunity to live out his childhood (and grown-man) fantasies — stepping into the batter’s box and slugging a homerun out of the ballpark; throwing that halftime, half-court basketball shot in front of thousands of screaming fans; or receiving a kick and returning it the entire length of the football field.

See how your husband scores.

1-3 is mild — Consider yourself lucky and go with the flow.

4-7, moderate — It can get pretty intense, but be patient and set parameters. Give his favorite sport a try or take advantage of the time to do something for yourself.

8 or more, maniac — Your man has the potential to get out of control. You and your husband need to come up with “game rules” to keep him and you from going crazy. If you two can’t communicate and compromise effectively — in the off season so that he can be objective — seek a referee or professional help, and pray that his team has a winning season.

Winks & Smiles,

Excerpted from the book, Help! I’m a Newlywed … What Do I Do Now: Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage (30 Miles Media, Inc.).

Read more...

She Writes

Tomorrow, Saturday, March 28, I'm moderating a panel at She Writes, a day long event for all members of the writing community. It will serve as a way to connect published writers, aspiring writers, journalists, commercial writers, creative writers, publishers and literary agents through a series of panels, seminars and workshops.

The details are:

March 28: 10 am – 5 pm
Decatur Library
215 Sycamore St
Decatur, GA 30030

The panel I’m participating in begins at 3 p.m. and features Stephanie Jones (The Enemy Between My Legs) and Goldie Taylor (January Girl). The event is FREE and open to the public. To register, visit www.shewrites2009.eventbrite.com. Gift bags will be given out to the first 60 registered attendees.

If you’re in the Atlanta Metro area, maybe I'll see you there.

Winks & Smiles,

Read more...

Fair Fighting ... and Toilet Trauma

Wifey’s Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband and I don't have a lot of fights but when we do it’s hard for us to "kiss and make up." Both of us seem to be stuck in the mode of proving the other person wrong and making sure that our point is heard. We have a hard time listening to each other and feeling empathy for each other's position. Can you give me some tips on fair fighting and on making up afterwards?

- Mrs. Fair Fighting

Dear Mrs. Fair Fighting:

Kudos on recognizing the problem, sometimes that’s the hardest part. This type of fighting is very common, especially with new millennium couples. Many wives are often so concerned about being right and maintaining their independence that they end up in competition with their spouses. We should be striving to align with our partners, not trying to conquer them.

My suggestion is for you to take the lead and make a conscious decision to break the competitive cycle. If you take a new, positive approach to fighting eventually he will follow suit. Be patient and strong, it can be difficult in the beginning – especially if he is still showing little empathy — but hang in there, your relationship will be better for it. Also, don’t announce your new plan of action. He might get defensive so just make it happen. Here’s a few Do’s and Don’ts to get you started:

Do put yourself in his shoes. Think about things from his perspective and really try to understand his point of view.

Don’t go below the belt. He’s your husband, remember that you love him and he should be the last person that you want to hurt.

Do agree to disagree. Sometimes you have to call a truce and let it go.

Do say “I feel” instead of “you did.” Even if you know it’s his fault, finger pointing will only make things worse.

Don’t over analyze. Listen to the words that are coming out of his mouth. Most men don’t have hidden agendas, they are straightforward and to the point.

As for making up, once you’re fighting a little fairer this will come easier, too; until then, give each other space to cool down and do your best to leave the argument in the past. “Kissing and making up” might be the perfect incentive to fight fair faster.

Winks & Smiles

Dear Wifey:

I have the classic problem: my husband forgets to put the toilet seat down. I’m tired of going to the bathroom and falling in the toilet. I’ve asked him a million times to try and remember, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. What should I do?

- Mrs. Toilet Trauma

Dear Mrs. Toilet Trauma:

The answer seems so simple to me now, but I remember a time when I, too, used to stress over silly stuff — it’s so easy to do! I continually come across so many women who give too much energy to things that don’t deserve it. So many that I decided to address it in my new book “Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage. Here’s what I say:

Don’t harp on silly stuff. Who cares if the toilet seat is up or down, or if the cap is on the toothpaste? Get a grip, or your own toothpaste, and let the gripe go!

It’s so cliché to even address some of these stereotypical gripes, so I’ll be really brief. Life is too short to give the toilet seat so much of your precious time. Once you get into your marriage, you’ll realize that there are bigger fish to fry, hills to climb, battles to pick (since I’m being cliché, why not go there?), and that it really doesn’t make much difference if he lowers the toilet seat or not. The following is probably the simplest piece of advice that I can give: if you go to use the bathroom and he left the toilet seat up… put it down.

Winks & Smiles,

Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts. Got a question? E-mail Wifey at questions@askwifey.com.

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

Read more...

Help! I’m a Newlywed… What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage

Product Details
Publisher: 30 Miles Media, Inc.
ISBN-10: 0-9796459-3-X
ISBN-13: 978-0-9796459-3-8
Available now

"'Help! I'm a Newlywed...What Do I Do Now? is a smart, insightful and often funny view into managing the first year of marriage. Written in an easy to read style that's full of folksy wisdom and useful advice, this book is a must for any new bride."
—Scott Haltzman, MD, Author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women:
How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less

Happy?
Excited?
Scared?

YOU'RE NOT ALONE!

Whether you’re stressing about your new in-laws, your new sex life, or your new husband leaving his clothes all over the bedroom floor, Help! I’m a Newlywed… What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage will help you graduate from girlfriend to wife without having a panic attack. Let it guide and comfort you through the kinks and challenges of your new world.

Discover how to:

- Maintain your identity, career, and a little bit of sanity
- Balance money, your checkbook, and the needs you both have
- Live together, while liking it and loving each other
- Bust the newlywed sex myths
- Deal with instant in-laws, family, and friends
- Whiz through wedding withdrawal and wrap up post-wedding details
- Cope with the die-hard sports fanatic who is now your husband

“What an amazing book! It offers sound, honest, practical advice that inspires and entertains. This book is filled with wisdom, insight and humor… I recommend it to anyone starting out in those first years of marriage!” —Nancy Feth, Life Coach

“It’s marvelous! If I had the book when I got married, it would have saved me a lot of money, time, and frustration. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone.” —Samarra Mbenga, Financial Planner

“An excellent read. As a psychotherapist and educator I highly recommend your practical and easy to understand insight... I will forever consider your book a realistic resource and excellent advice to help love grow in the sacred covenant of marriage.”
—Dr. Adolph Brown, Author, Educator, Motivational Speaker, Psychologist

Help! I'm a Newlywed...What Do I Do Now? includes more than 225 Do's and Don'ts to help you thrive in your first year of marriage and beyond. It's the perfect gift for every new bride.



BOOK EXCERPTS
Contents

Why I Wrote This Book

Chapter One
After the Wedding
Once the Bouquet’s Been Thrown, the Guests Go Home, and Wedding Withdrawal Sets In

Chapter Two
For Better or For Worse
Tackling Change, Fear, and the Newlywed Jitters

Chapter Three
Mrs. Who?
Graduating from Girlfriend to Wife, Gracefully

Chapter Four
Living Together
Sharing Space and Staying Sane

Chapter Five
Sex? Sex. Sex!

The Newlywed Myths – Lots, Little, or Lack Of

Chapter Six
Money – Mine, Yours, and Ours
Balancing Love, Marriage, and the Checkbook

Chapter Seven
Friends and Family 101
Managing Instant In-Laws, Extended Families, and Friends

Chapter Eight
The Sports Fanatic
Surviving the Games, the Boys, and Your Beer-Stained Carpet

Chapter Nine
Just for Him
How to Love Her, Humor Her, and Stay Out of the Doghouse

Afterword
365 Days Later
Break Out the Bubbly and Celebrate! It’s Your Anniversary!

Wifey Reading & Resources

Why I Wrote This Book

Help! I’m a newlywed… what do I do now? That’s a thought most new wives have at some time — in the kitchen, or the bedroom, when the in-laws come to visit, or maybe during everyday conversation with your husband. Regardless of where or why you thought it — you did! And if you’re anything like me, you were probably too scared to ask anyone what you should do. That’s exactly why I wrote Help! I’m a Newlywed… What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage.

As a former glowing bride, I found my wedding day to be the happiest, most magical day of my life. I married my best friend, Napoleon, a man I had been involved with for more than five years and was engaged to for one. I was ecstatic that I found the man I wanted to start a family with, to travel around the world with, and to share denture cream with once we’re old and gray. My face beamed brightly all day, and I have very expensive pictures to prove it. I was absolutely certain that I had made the right decision — I love this man madly — so why was I about to go crazy?

I must’ve read every bridal magazine in existence during my engagement. They were very informative about everything leading up to my wedding. The problem was that very little information was available about what to do when I got back from my tropical-paradise honeymoon. Not much for when we walked through the door as husband and wife and had to live with each other — and like it! There was no one saying, “It’s going to be an adjustment,” or “It’s OK not to know what to do now.” All I heard was “You must be so happy” or “You’re so lucky to be married.” Now don’t get me wrong, I was happy, but I was also terrified of my new role in my relationship!

One day, I finally got up the nerve to ask my mother why Napoleon and I were fighting more than usual. And then I asked my aunt why I had to cook dinner every night. And what was I supposed to cook? I even asked my girlfriend how to get my husband to pick up his dirty clothes after he steps out of them each day.

After opening my mouth and screaming, “Help! I’m a newlywed… what do I do now?” I found out that I wasn’t alone. And most important, that I was perfectly normal. I discovered that millions of women and men have millions of questions about being married and that doesn’t mean they don’t love their spouses or don’t like being married. It just means they need help. So here it is… help… to hopefully make things a little easier for you and your new hubby.

Now I must tell you that I am not a doctor, a counselor or a therapist. I have not completed years of scientific research, nor do I plan to bore you, or myself, with any. I’m a wife. Correction, I’m a happy, loving, sometimes frightened, confused and frustrated but willing-to-learn, madly-in-love-with-my-spouse, still-figuring-things-out wife — just like you. I’ve successfully survived the newlywed years — my husband and I are celebrating eight exciting years together — and we continue to work hard to make our marriage work.

Now some of the advice in this book is first-hand, about things that I’ve done and some are things I wish that I did. I’ve drawn from my own ongoing experiences in this exciting world of marriage and I thought it would be helpful to share all of this with you. Plus, I’ve talked to countless brides and wives — newly engaged, freshly married and old-school veterans — and have taken into account their stories, joys and fears. I’ve asked for advice and suggestions from women and men of all ages, and I welcome yours, too.

My goal is to help new wives (and husbands, too) through the kinks of their happy but also scary new unions by offering suggestions for the many challenges and situations that they may face during the beginning of marriage. Hearing that other people were going through some of the same, very real adjustments of marriage that Napoleon and I were going through — no matter how large, small or silly they seemed — left me comforted and more confident in our relationship. I hope it will for you, too.

However, it’s very important for you as a new wife to understand that every individual and couple is different. Some people face different obstacles than others and some handle the same obstacles in different ways. It is crucial to your relationship that you as a couple handle the challenges that you face in your marriage in ways that make you both comfortable and happy.

The Do’s and Don’ts in this book are suggestions that I and many other newlyweds have found to be helpful. Some you may agree with, and some you may not. That’s perfectly OK! Do take this book seriously and take all the advice that suits you, but also take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. And, most importantly, don’t take anyone’s advice (even mine) if you are not comfortable with it!

I love my husband, I love being married — and I’d love to keep it that way. In writing this book, I’m not only trying to help you, but to help myself, too. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do in your marriage, but there is something wrong with not finding out!

Read more...