Wives Words: A Daily Dose of Toni

After a long brief hiatus I’m so pleased to re-launch the Wives' Words series. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week's wife is Total Toni from A Daily Dose of Toni at JustStopScreaming.com. OK, she had me at “Just Stop Screaming.” That title says it all. If you’ve never met Toni you’re in for a real treat. She’s smart, funny and is known to bust a rap. She’s also the queen of vlogging and did one just for us.

Here’s Toni’s Wives’ Words:



Thanks, Toni!

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Winks & Smiles,

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Wives' Words: Future Mama

I was so excited when I received the answers to this week's Wives' Words that I decided to post them instead of my weekly Q and A. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week's wife is Future Mama from Baby Makin(g) Machine. I got to know Future Mama well during The BlogRollers BlogHer or Bust Road Trip – she won the Fourth Wheel Contest and rode with us to the conference - and I just love her! She's sweet, smart and super inquisitive; and shares so much of herself as she chronicles her journey to motherhood.

Here's Future Mama's Wives' Words:

Name: Jennifer aka Future Mama

Husband’s name: Brian

Years married: Almost 5 (on December 23rd!)

Children (ages): Snoop, Shar-pei mix is 21 months.

Occupation: Journalist

Blog/website: Baby Makin(g) Machine

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I'm not sure what my biggest fear was... Maybe that things would change between us. Things did... We started living together and everything was different. We have loved it through and grown so much together.

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
I love having someone I can always turn to for advice, and to whine to, haha. He's ALWAYS good at cheering me up though, no matter how sad I am... And even if he's mad at me. I really just like having someone that is like an extension of me.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Having to cross things by him. Sometimes it's like I have a parent all over again and I'm trying to get permission for things. I am more outgoing and he's more private, sometimes that makes things (like blogging) hard.

How has your sex life changed since becoming a wife and how do you keep it thriving?
Yea! It went from non-existent to A LOT! haha. I'm not sure what I do to keep it thriving... If it's been awhile I try to clean up around the house, and get all dressed up myself. He likes it when I act like a homemaker. I've heard women say it turns them on when their husband cleans... It works the same way, but opposite with us.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
I think I heard all of the things like "it's work" "it's not always easy" But I think I wish I heard more of the positive advice like "50% of marriages survive forever... let that be yours!"

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Always communicate! And grow spiritually together! I think the closer we both are to God the closer we are together :)

Thanks, Jennifer!

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Wives' Words: Mozi Esme's Mom

It's back. Wives' Words. The first two installments were so well received that I decided to start posting it again. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week's wife is Jane Maritz from the wonderful blog, Mozi Esmé. One of my favorite and regular reads Jane writes through the eyes of her 2 year-old daughter, Esmé, sharing kids activities, craft ideas, community involvement and even fashion tips on a global level – Esmé spent her first two years living in Mozambique.

Here's Mrs. Maritz's Wives' Words:



Name: Jane Maritz
Husband’s name: Hendrik Maritz
Years married: 15 as of August 7
Children (ages): Esmé - age 28 months
Occupation: Currently a stay-at-home mom; previously in Accounting, Financial Systems, and Financial Management
Blogs/websites: Mozi Esme - the day-to-day adventures of Miss Esmé; and Winning Readings - a bulletin board of family-friendly book giveaways

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I honestly can't remember any fears. I got married young (when I was 20), and all I can remember is being excited about it!

The previous year I had been accepted into medical school in the US, while my future husband was in South Africa. I struggled with deciding whether to stay in the US or try to get into med school in South Africa so I could be closer to him. Psalm 139:9-10 became very meaningful; knowing God was with me no matter my decision alleviated my fears... Med school never materialized, but I did get married!

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
Never being lonely.

There is always someone to talk to; someone to share the latest gossip and thoughts and ideas. My husband is passionate about EVERYTHING, which makes him a great listener and conversationalist. And he is a great problem-solver, which means I never have to stress about solving problems on my own.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Figuring out my husband's "love language" and using it.

We are complete opposites. I do a great job of showing love the way I want to be loved. But it's meaningless to him. I want acceptance and appreciation. He wants inspiration and motivation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg in our differences. So we both feel like we're being selfless in GIVING the other what WE want, yet we're both feeling unsatisfied because we're not GETTING what we want.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
That marriage takes work.

For the first 10 years of our marriage, I thought it was easy. Being laid back, I didn't stress over things much. Our financial philosophies are similar; we never fought over things; we just seemed to be great companions. Marriage didn't seem to require much effort. The last 5 years have been rough, to be honest. Having a child (who we both adore!) accentuates our differences and gives us less time to focus on each other. And I'm wishing I had invested more of my time into our relationship in the early years. Spent less time following my own interests and found little ways to make his day, to let him know I'm interested in every aspect of his life, to let him know I care about what makes him happy.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Be genuinely interested in your husband's life!

It's not enough to just listen to what he has to say about his day and to passively accompany him to football games (or rock climbing and whitewater rafting) or whatever his hobby may be. Read up on his line of work and on his hobbies so you can converse intelligently. Visit his job site regularly if possible. Make a point of finding out something new about him every day - of figuring out his favorite snacks or musicians, his favorite massage spots, his little pet peeves, what makes him feel loved - so you can do things for him that show you really care about him as a person. To some people, this comes naturally; to others like me, it takes a conscious decision and effort...



Thanks, Mrs. Maritz!

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Wives' Words - Mrs. Nazworth

It’s time for the second installment of Wives’ Words. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so every two weeks I highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week’s wife is Mrs. Angela Nazworth from Becoming Me. I met Angela through The Ultimate Blog Party last year and have been a faithful reader ever since. She writes honest, heartwarming, inspiring posts that leave you spiritually filled and comforted.

Here’s Mrs. Naz’s Wives’ Words:



Name: Angela
Husband’s Name: Napp
Years married: 9 going on 10 in August
Children (ages): Two children, a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son
Occupation: Freelance copy editor and writer
Blog/website: Becoming Me (husband’s learningaboutpolitics.blogspot.com)

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
My biggest fear was that my husband would one day abandon me. No, this did not come true. And now, I no longer have this fear. It was a fear never warranted by Napp's behavior, rather from my own personal baggage that I brought into the marriage. I learned that everyone comes with baggage. Some may carry it in a small carry-on bag and others in a massive trunk ... but we all have it.

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
This may seem overly simplistic, but for me the best part of being married is having a partner through life. Through each trial, challenge, and joyous occasion, I have someone sharing those experiences with me … helping me, needing me, loving me, laughing with me, praying with me. I love not having to go it alone.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Ironically, as much as I love the partnership aspect, I don't always enjoy having to compromise. I have a stubborn streak and tend to think I know best.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
First off, love is more than a feeling, it is a choice. Romance is wonderful and it can be kept in a marriage but not 100% of the time, and that is OK. Love, true love, is choosing to be kind even when you are tired, and hurting. Love means choosing forgiveness over bitterness. Love means sacrifice. Love is not easy ... but nothing is more beautiful. I'd also like to advise that you not share the irritating traits of your husband with family members. Keep your arguments between you and your husband. You'll find that these things will be harder for your family to forget than it will be for you.



Thanks, Mrs. Naz.

You can read more of Mrs. Naz’s thoughts about marriage on an anniversary post from her site here.

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Wives’ Words – Hanging with Mrs. Cooper

I decided not to post my Weekly Q and A today – gasp!, don’t worry it’ll be back next week – so I could shine the spotlight on the debut of Wives’ Words. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so every two weeks I will highlight other wives and will share their words of wisdom with you.

First up is Mrs. C from Hanging with Mrs. Cooper. One of my favorite reads, I can always count on Mrs. Cooper to dish about something exciting, informative or just downright funny.

Here’s Mrs. C’s Wives’ Words:



Name: Angela
Husband’s name: Rick
Years married: 14 going on 15 in July
Children (ages): Three children ages 13, 11 and 9
Occupation: Event Planner
Blog/website: Hanging with Mrs. Cooper

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I feared that this wonderful man who I thought the world of was going to do a 360 on me and change. But fortunately that did not happen. He remained the same compassionate and caring person who he has always been.

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
The best thing is that he's my best friend. I tell him everything first whether it's good or bad. We don't have family here in Massachusetts; it's just us and our children. So I feel like we have to fight harder to make it work. He makes life so easy for me. Once my husband became a father I felt like I watched he and I truly grow up. I see an even softer side of him and we truly adore him but love to run him nuts, too. He loves it.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Besides the usual stresses of finances and toting the kids here and there I would say it's really making sure we understand each other's point of view. Sometimes we disagree and it's up to us to figure out a solution to the problem. Challenges can be healthy as it makes us grow stronger with each other.

How has your sex life changed since becoming a wife and what do you do to keep it thriving?
Hahahahaha, here's the quick answer, KIDS! :) I think with what we do all day between work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, etc, at the end of the day we are just exhausted. We don't actually schedule dates for each other but we do kind of flirt with each other and wherever it leads is wherever it leads. Sometimes it leads to cuddling and sometimes it leads to me making a phone call and telling him to come home for lunch. We actually find that quiet exciting and it's almost makes us feel sneaky but it's fun. Actually, the kids love to see us sitting together on the sofa, or dancing together to one of our favorite tunes or even Rick walking passed me and pinching my butt. I think it's healthy for our children to see us interact with each other in that way. It gives them security in knowing that all is well.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
I think that question would be more for my husband LOL. I wish that they would have told me that it's not going to always be easy. There's not always going to be romance and you have to fight to make it work. You have to stick together and not let anyone or anything come between what you are trying to build.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Communication - it's the key to a successful marriage. I think if you and he come out and say what's on your minds it's easier than holding it in. This comes with time and trust in one another. If you know something upsets the other, then don't do it. Don't walk into a marriage thinking you can change a person. This person is who she or he is. You can make sacrifices however, to make situations fall right into place. Don't go to bed angry. Whatever the situation is, end it before today is out and start tomorrow new. It takes a while to learn this one, but in time you can do it.



Thanks, Mrs. C.

How about you? Got some Wives' Words? Wives everywhere want to know...

Winks & Smiles,

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