The Hot List

I think it was inevitable. I knew the time would come when I would merge my love for blogging and social media with my background in media relations. My BlogRollin' partner, Christie from My Life … A Work in Progress, and I have officially launched The BlogRollers Media and The Hot List.

The BlogRollers Media Mission
We are passionate about continuing to raise awareness of the power of female bloggers and our impact on the economy and on social media at large. We are dedicated to creating and implementing unique and entertaining digital media marketing campaigns for the companies that support us. We are committed to encourage diversity in all programs we initiate.

As you already know, The BlogRollers are all about promoting the power of female blogging and the brands that support us! Our new adventures in creating digital outreach programs often includes finding fabulous bloggers to participate in them. We are gathering a HOT LIST of bloggers spanning all ethnicities, blogging levels, and subjects/genres for our PR database. Our goal is to have a good mix of bloggers so that there is opportunity for everyone.

No worries, Ask Wifey is not going anywhere. I will still be here managing marriage, motherhood and all the mayhem, but would love to invite you to visit me over at The BlogRollers Media and The Hot List.  Hope to see you there...

Winks & Smiles,

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Wife of a Habitual Adulterer

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband and I have been married for seventeen years and have two children. He's always taken care of us and been a good father. The first instance of him committing adultery happened when we received a phone call from the Navy twelve years ago saying dependents couldn't go to Cuba because it was too dangerous. He came home on leave several times that year but something wasn't right. After he came home permanently I asked, "Did you love her?" to which he replied, "Yes." Despite my heartbreak we worked things out.He rarely went out but when he did, he'd do stupid things like take his wedding ring off when out with a friend or I would find strip club matchbooks in his pockets.

Fast forward to October of 2008. After a wonderful morning of making love, I went to the store. When I returned home and after I put groceries away, I went to check my email because he was doing paperwork at the table. At first I thought someone hacked my Yahoo! account because I saw a man's name staring at me. I freaked and starting looking over the subject line and was horrified at the explicit sex talk in front of me. And then, out of the blue, I saw a photo of a birthmark I recognized all to well--it was my husband. There were too many disgusting emails to count. Some with women, others with men talking about how to sneak out and have a threesome with a woman at a local hotel--that never happened. Even more hurtful were emails to women where my husband totally trashed me. He'd never said anything demeaning to me, ever, over the course of our entire marriage. He's always come home from work and hugged and kissed me. He gives me foot massages and tickles my back nightly and calls me several times a day while he's at work. We do family stuff together regularly. It's not that we never argued or had fights, but they were few and far between. Needless to say, I was devastated. When I confronted him he broke down and started crying, saying he loved me but that he was a different person online. He said he didn't mean any of those ugly words he'd written and he had no intention of actually hooking up with anyone.

I forgave him but couldn't forget. I refused to make love to him because the words I saw kept running through my brain. Several months later, we were starting to return to normal as far as conversing and being lovey-dovey but I still wasn't comfortable having sex. Then, from out of the blue I receive a message on a social site from someone I don't know saying they have information about my husband. My heart sank, this couldn't be good, and it wasn't. In my mail was a list of two months worth of email conversations between my husband and a woman he saw at the gym each morning. The person who sent me the emails was the woman's husband. It went further than conversation though--they had sex the day before my 17th wedding anniversary. They called it quits before I found out.

Each and every time I've caught my husband doing things of this nature, he's broken down and cried that he loves me and does not want a divorce. Not just tears streaking down his cheeks but the choking type of cry. A couple of days after the last incident he said, "I think I have sex addiction. I took a survey and it came back saying I have all the symptoms." I was conflicted. I don't know what to believe. Sex addiction is growing as far as being legit but not all psychiatrists agree it's a real disease. Several friends told me it is indeed a real problem and that my DH admitted to it shows he's ready for help. Perhaps I was being too stubborn after being hurt again because I basically convinced him that he didn't have a sex addiction problem but an ego one.

I wish I could explain how good he treats myself and our children outside of his extra-curricular activities. He was my source of strength when I went through a really tough period a few years ago, when I went through a terrible religious experience. It's so hard for me to forget the good times, the wonderful memories, etc. He's nothing like the man in the emails I saw. You probably feel I'm stupid by now, and I'd understand if you do...I forgave again. Then, four days ago he forgot to sign out of his online email program, the same one I use, and I saw the following: "I love you baby. Here you go", along with pictures of himself to one of the women I caught him emailing last October. I told him I want a divorce because I can't take this anymore. Again he broke down and brought up sex-addiction. I haven't changed my mind about getting divorced, but because I'm in love with him and our children love their dad, I question whether it's a good idea if indeed he truly has a problem. He told me he wants help, but I don't know if I have the strength to last while he does.

- Mrs. Wife of a Habitual Adulterer

Dear Mrs. Wife of a Habitual Adulterer:

First off, I do NOT think you are stupid. Hurt, confused, and conflicted quickly come to mind, but not stupid. Being deceived and betrayed by your husband - the one person that you are supposed to be able to count on for the rest of your life - has got to be extremely painful, emotional and confusing, especially if he's been playing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. With that said I suggest that you take the time to seek professional help before you make any final, life-altering decisions. I'm not a therapist nor a doctor but I do know that his behavior is not conducive for a healthy marriage and no one should have to deal with such painful indiscretions. Seek therapy so that you can try to make clear, levelheaded decisions to do what's best for you and your children. Discuss sexual addiction with the professional and draw your conclusions from facts not emotions. Stay strong, hold your head high and always remember that you are worthy of honesty, loyalty and respect. Sending you strength, prayers and positive thoughts.

Winks & Smiles,

Calling in the troops ... ladies (and gentlemen), any words of wisdom or encouragement? Has anyone had to deal with a cheating spouse? Do you stay or do you go? Can a marriage survive infidelity? Wounded wives want to know ...

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Pants and Panties

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

A little mindless marriage humor

Someone e-mailed me this little gem and I just had to share ...

Pants and Panties

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''' She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."

"Hmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here, try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me." Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here, you try on mine." Mike did and said, "I can't get into your panties." Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

Winks & Smiles,

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Wives' Words: Mozi Esme's Mom

It's back. Wives' Words. The first two installments were so well received that I decided to start posting it again. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week's wife is Jane Maritz from the wonderful blog, Mozi Esmé. One of my favorite and regular reads Jane writes through the eyes of her 2 year-old daughter, Esmé, sharing kids activities, craft ideas, community involvement and even fashion tips on a global level – Esmé spent her first two years living in Mozambique.

Here's Mrs. Maritz's Wives' Words:



Name: Jane Maritz
Husband’s name: Hendrik Maritz
Years married: 15 as of August 7
Children (ages): Esmé - age 28 months
Occupation: Currently a stay-at-home mom; previously in Accounting, Financial Systems, and Financial Management
Blogs/websites: Mozi Esme - the day-to-day adventures of Miss Esmé; and Winning Readings - a bulletin board of family-friendly book giveaways

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I honestly can't remember any fears. I got married young (when I was 20), and all I can remember is being excited about it!

The previous year I had been accepted into medical school in the US, while my future husband was in South Africa. I struggled with deciding whether to stay in the US or try to get into med school in South Africa so I could be closer to him. Psalm 139:9-10 became very meaningful; knowing God was with me no matter my decision alleviated my fears... Med school never materialized, but I did get married!

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
Never being lonely.

There is always someone to talk to; someone to share the latest gossip and thoughts and ideas. My husband is passionate about EVERYTHING, which makes him a great listener and conversationalist. And he is a great problem-solver, which means I never have to stress about solving problems on my own.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Figuring out my husband's "love language" and using it.

We are complete opposites. I do a great job of showing love the way I want to be loved. But it's meaningless to him. I want acceptance and appreciation. He wants inspiration and motivation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg in our differences. So we both feel like we're being selfless in GIVING the other what WE want, yet we're both feeling unsatisfied because we're not GETTING what we want.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
That marriage takes work.

For the first 10 years of our marriage, I thought it was easy. Being laid back, I didn't stress over things much. Our financial philosophies are similar; we never fought over things; we just seemed to be great companions. Marriage didn't seem to require much effort. The last 5 years have been rough, to be honest. Having a child (who we both adore!) accentuates our differences and gives us less time to focus on each other. And I'm wishing I had invested more of my time into our relationship in the early years. Spent less time following my own interests and found little ways to make his day, to let him know I'm interested in every aspect of his life, to let him know I care about what makes him happy.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Be genuinely interested in your husband's life!

It's not enough to just listen to what he has to say about his day and to passively accompany him to football games (or rock climbing and whitewater rafting) or whatever his hobby may be. Read up on his line of work and on his hobbies so you can converse intelligently. Visit his job site regularly if possible. Make a point of finding out something new about him every day - of figuring out his favorite snacks or musicians, his favorite massage spots, his little pet peeves, what makes him feel loved - so you can do things for him that show you really care about him as a person. To some people, this comes naturally; to others like me, it takes a conscious decision and effort...



Thanks, Mrs. Maritz!

How about you? Got some Wives' Words? Wives everywhere want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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Married to a Football Fanatic

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband practically begged me to take an interest in football, his favorite sport, but since I have he’s constantly telling me to be quiet while we’re watching a game. I’m only asking questions so I can learn. I’m trying to be a good wife, but I don’t think I’ll make it past preseason if he doesn’t stop shushing me. What am I supposed to do?

- Mrs. Married to a Football Fanatic

Dear Mrs. Married to a Football Fanatic:

From the wife of one fanatic to another, I understand. My husband, an ex-college player, gave me free reign on planning our wedding except it absolutely could not be during football season, especially the Saturday that Florida plays Florida State. Fortunately for me, I like football, but that wasn’t always the case. Kudos to you for trying to learn more about your husband’s favorite sport.

I definitely suggest knowing some of the basics before you sit down on the 50 yard line with him. You don’t have to go overboard and know how to call plays in the huddle, but you should know what a play and a huddle are. And, you shouldn’t ask him in the middle of a game. Unless, he is so removed from both teams, giving you a tutorial while trying to watch it will more than likely kill his joy – and yours. Instead do a little research on your own, then you can sporadically ask him the more advance questions, leaving him impressed with your new found knowledge. Actress and former NFL wife Holly Robinson Peete wrote a fun and informative book, Get Your Own Damn Beer, I’m Watching the Game!: A Woman’s Guide to Loving Pro Football, which I highly recommend. The internet is another great way to become familiar with your husband’s favorite game.

Marrying a sports fanatic can present its share of challenges. For more tips on Surviving the Games, the Boys and your Beer Stained Carpet check out that chapter (number eight) in my book, Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now? (Gasp! Shameless plug here.) Yes, I dedicated an entire chapter to it!

Winks & Smiles,

How about you? Are you married to a sports fanatic? How do you handle it? Sidelined wives want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Four G's

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

Four G's. Not the phone network ... the people network. Yesterday was my grandmother's 86th birthday so four generations of Wilson women got together to celebrate her and all of her fabulousness.

I love spending time with my three favorite ladies - my grandma, my mother and my sister. Add my children in the mix and it makes the day even brighter.

My kids and their GG-Ma (Great-grandma)

Me and my G-Ma

I love my grandmother dearly. She's always been such a positive, fun, and inspirational person in my life and I'm so thankful that my children are getting to experience her, too. Happy B-Day, G-ma! Loves you - #2 Granddaughter.

Winks & Smiles,

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America I AM ... Awesome

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

Last Saturday I was invited by the fabulous Renee Ross from Cutie Booty Cakes and her friends at WalMart to experience America I AM: The African American Imprint, a touring exhibition presented by broadcaster Tavis Smiley that celebrates nearly 500 years of African American contributions to this country, and oh what an experience it was.



In one word it was awesome. In many it was educational, inspiring, beautiful, emotional, uplifting, breathtaking, eyeopening and impeccably produced.

The exhibition consists of twelve galleries encompassing about 15, 000 square feet that takes visitors through a journey from struggle to triumph to celebration. It includes a wide variety of more than 200 artifacts that are simply amazing to see including dungeon doors from Cape Coast Castle (where captive Africans were housed awaiting slave ships in Ghana), Rosa Parks' fingerprint card, Muhammad Ali's robe from his famous “Rumble in the Jungle” fight and Prince's guitar he played during the half-time show of Super Bowl XLI.

I left the exhibition feeling proud, inspired and wanting to see more. America I AM is a must see for everyone. It's not only Black history, it's American history and offers a wonderful experience for adults and children of all races. Atlanta is the second stop on the exhibition's 10-city, four-year tour. Visit AmericaIAM.org to see when it comes to a city near you.

Winks & Smiles,

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First Year Fighting

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

I am 23 years old and newly married, it just turned a year on June 25th but the kicker is that we have not told anyone yet. Yes, you read correctly, no one knows and that was deliberate. I have known my husband for just about all of my life and we have always wanted to get married. I initially thought that it was a horrible thing I did but then we discussed why we did what we did it couldn't have made more sense. I believe that the wedding ceremony too often becomes about everyone else except for the bride and groom. Yes, everyone comes to YOUR bachelorette, and bachelor party, and yes every one brings YOU gifts and comes to YOUR wedding/reception but I think all of that a lot of times ends up being just another part of the show that society says "we have to" put on. Frankly, we wanted no part in what "society" said was the way to do it. We decided to spend the first couple of years without any outside influence to try and get accustomed to each other without worrying about what mom or dad are saying or anyone else for that matter had to say.

Though we decided to take this route I still have questions and wanted to find out what is normal and what is not. I can't really talk to any of the female friends I do have because none of them are married so sometimes I feel alone. Which is odd because that is usually one of the main reasons why people get married. So I have a lot of questions but I would like to start of with this question first....Is it normal to fight and argue a lot in your first year of marriage? Now this is very unusual for us because when we were just dating and best friends we never argued or fought but since we've gotten married things just seem to be a lot more complicated! I believe with all my heart that this man is the man I am suppose to be with but sometimes it feels like we're on different pages. I come from a broken family who was split up when my mom's ex husband cheated on her. That divorce has come with a lot of pain and heartache and I know that I carry a lot of wounds from it and have allowed it to transfer into this relationship. Anyways, I do not mean to bore you with all the detail but if you have any advice or insight you can give at all that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

- Mrs. First Year Fighting

Dear Mrs. First Year Fighting:

Congratulations on your marriage and your first anniversary! While the newlywed year is filled with love, excitement and joy it can also be challenging, at times awkward, and down right scary. It's perfectly normal to experience a wide range of emotions and yes, it is also normal to fight and argue during your first year of marriage. You are not alone! Millions of women get married every year and millions of them have questions about being married. It doesn't mean that they don't love their husbands or don't like being married.

The first year is filled with adjustments. While some new wives experience minimal turbulence, the majority buckle their seat belts and ride out the bumps along the way. Even though you've known your husband your whole life, your relationship is different now that you're married. Marriage does change things, but “change” does not have to be bad. Being someone's girlfriend is different than being someone's wife. Physically, emotionally and legally you are tied to someone else for the rest of your life. That's a big commitment and bound to stir up some comforting and frightening feelings. Don't panic and don't expect to figure everything out overnight. Take a deep breath, build on your strong foundation, and make sure to communicate.

Kudos to you for recognizing the impact your parents' divorce has on your life but don't allow it to transfer into your relationship. Dealing with those feelings honestly and early in your relationship could help ward off potential problems. Please check back in. I'd love to hear how things progress and about your family's reaction once they learn you're married.

Winks & Smiles,

How about you? What was your newlywed year like? Happy? Excited? Scared? All of the above? New wives want to know...

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Back to School

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

My kids went back to school today. Need I say more? I've taken a break from running around the house naked to share my traditional first day of school pictures ...


See, I wasn't the only one smiling.


Miles is in 3rd grade. Gasp! My baby. I can't believe it!


Milan, my little princess, is ready to rule first grade.

While it's no secret I'm a little excited for them to go back to school, there's still a tiny piece of me that misses them already ... and it's only 9 a.m. Shh, don't tell anyone, but I'll be the first mom at the end of the school day waiting anxiously at the bus stop.

Winks & Smiles,

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Sleep Deprived

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband snores so bad it's killing me. We didn’t move in together until after the wedding. I knew he snored, but I didn’t know how badly. It's three months later and I have yet to sleep through the entire night. I can’t be the only one with a snoring husband, please tell me what to do so I can get some sleep.

- Mrs. Sleep Deprived

Dear Mrs. Sleep Deprived:

From a woman who loves her sleep, I feel for you. Your husband’s snoring might not only be killing you, but him, too. I don’t mean to scare you, but I do suggest that you talk to your husband about seeing a doctor. If his snoring is as consistent and disruptive as it sounds, he might have a medical condition like sleep apnea that can be treated or possibly controlled if diagnosed properly. I am not a doctor but I do know that there can be some serious health risks associated with snoring and I strongly encourage for you to check with your physician. Hopefully your doctor will rule out anything serious, and might be able to put an end to, or at least lessen your snoring woes. In the meantime, you might want to invest in a good pair of earplugs to help get you through the night.

Winks & Smiles,

How about you? Do you or your spouse snore? How do you deal with it? Sleep deprived spouses want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Vintage Body Spa: G.O.O.D.I.E.S.

I've got goodies to giveaway, folks. Goodies with a capital G.O.O.D.I.E.S.

The lovely and talented Alyssa Middleton, owner and creator of Vintage Body Spa - a specialty boutique featuring the finest natural paraben free home spa products - was kind enough to give The BlogRollers some products to tryout on our BlogHer or Bust Road Trip.

Can I just say her products are fab-u-lous! Seriously. I was so glad that I ordered the Lavender Vanilla Wherever Body Cream because I forgot to pack my lotion. As soon as I opened it I knew I'd be pleased, it smelled so yummy. Smooth, light and creamy are just a few words that come to mind. And, soft. It left my skin feeling silky soft and luxurious.

You know what's coming next ... I've got a VBS "Spa to You" Gift Set to giveaway to one lucky winner. The set includes full-size samples of the following:

Butter Beans (moisturizing bath fizzies)
Suga Lips Lip Balm
Wherever Body Cream (rich body lotion)
Whipped Shea Butter
A few extra goodies from The BlogRollers

All you have to do is leave me a comment. Easy, right? I will give you an extra entry if you friend Vintage Body Spa on Facebook and/or follow her on Twitter. Don't forget to come back here and let me know you did it. For even more entries visit the rest of my road trip buddies, Christie at My Life ... A Work in Progress, Denene at My Brown Baby and Jennifer at Baby Makin(g) Machine and comment on their posts, too. The winner will be announced on Christie's Blog Talk Radio show, The ChatterBox Show on FRIDAY AUGUST 7th at 10:00 AM EST. Good luck and be sure to tune in!

Winks & Smiles,

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One Week

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

You didn't ask, but I'm just sayin'...

One week. One week, 6 hours and 34 minutes to be exact. Not that I'm counting or anything, ahem, but that's when my wonderful and energetic children start school.

Seriously, it's been a fun-filled summer. As they continue to get older and are able to do more things, I continue to enjoy spending tons of time with them - watching their little personalities form and just having some good ol' fashion fun. Summertime fun. We've tackled water parks, amusement parks, camps, cookouts, movies, festivals, play dates, birthday parties and backyard fun. We lived in the swimming pool and still found time to breakout the summer-bridge workbooks - got to keep those little minds working.


Baby girl debating her first diving board jump (yes, she did it ... again and again!)


Miles mid-air

But even through all the good times, I must admit there's a tiny part of me, ahem, that is ready for the school bell to ring. It has nothing to do with the fact that my daughter decided to wash her baby doll's clothes in hand sanitizer yesterday; and my son thought it would be cool to ride down the stairs in a laundry basket - gasp! (Yes, both the dolls and my son all survived.) I think it's just time. Time to return to our regular routine. Our school time schedule which hopefully will provide a little sanity ... for all of us.

Winks & Smiles,

How about you? When do your kids go back to school? Does the school day offer some structure and sanity in your house? Home-schooling moms we want to hear from you, too!

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