Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wifey’s Weekly Q and A
My mother and I don't connect. I'm trying to explain to her the way I feel things or react to issues, but she doesn't seem to understand my feelings or views on these things. She often says I'm an "out of the box" kind of person. How can I approach her so that she can understand me better and we can go back to having a close relationship with each other?
-Out of the Box Girl
Dear Out of the Box Girl:
First, know that you are not alone. Many mothers and daughters don’t always see eye-to-eye which can lead to difficulty connecting. Feeling misunderstood can be frustrating and create distance in your relationship, but it doesn’t have to. Kudos to you for wanting to approach this correctly. How you speak to your mother can definitely affect the outcome of your conversation. It sounds like you’ve tried to explain yourself already. Were you patient and honest in your conversation? Not pointing figures at your mother, but using phrases like “this is how I feel” or “I do this because” instead of “you make me feel” or “you are the reason I do this” will help keep her from getting defensive.
Try and talk to your mother when you are not in the heat of the moment, both of you might be too excited to hear each other clearly. Take her to lunch and let her know how important she is to you and that you’d like her to consider your point of view. Be prepared with positive examples and know what message you’d like to convey. Once you’ve done that respect her right to disagree. Unfortunately, you cannot MAKE her see things your way – and that’s OK. Sometimes in life we have to take a big girl pill, agree to disagree and let things go – especially with our mamas. Hopefully, she’ll meet you in the middle, but unless your disagreement is a deal-breaker, understand that she’s just not understanding, love her anyway and let it go.
Winks & Smiles
How about you? Do you connect with your mother? How do you approach her? Darling daughters want to know …
The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.