Do I Stay or Do I Go?

Wifey’s Q and A

Dear Wifey:

 I’m a 27 year-old insurance agent raising a beautiful little girl. I am still in a relationship with my child’s father. We live together and are trying to do the best we can. I feel that living in sin for too long is unwise to say the least but it also is killing my spirit. My man is 32 and I think by this age he should know what he wants. When I asked him about the topic of marriage he said “bluntly” that he doesn’t think about it. Now don’t get me wrong I love him and he loves me. But I am at a point where I am draining myself. We have been together three years and our child is 1. He has issues with us living together. When we get into a “discussion” he will bring up that he doesn’t want to live in the house I picked out, that he wants to live on his own. He thinks he can take care of us without being in the household. I think that he feels less than a man because I was struggling and had to move quickly; and at that time he said he was going to get his own apartment. I felt alone so I did what needed to be done. Now, fast forward he moved in and it’s been good. At this point he gets all of me as if we were married. I cook, I clean, I do the dang thing. LOL. I guess my point is how to deal? Do I stay true to him although he has a “double mind?” I know that being in a relationship isn’t easy; I know it takes hard work and dedication, but when do you say when?

When is the best time to let go and if it’s true let it come back to you? We live together so that’s easier said than done. I really want to get back into me. Get to being the best “me” I can be. And honestly I’m not; I could be a better mother, friend. I could be better physically and mentally. But I’m consumed with thoughts of marriage and living right.

Help.

- Mrs. To-Be?

Dear Mrs. To-Be?

It sounds like you and your man have two different views on your relationship and marriage. While spouses don’t have to agree on everything, sharing the same goals, vision and desires when it comes to your partnership is critical in making it work. You are correct, a relationship does take hard work and dedication; and you both should be clear about what you are working towards. It sounds like he’s communicated his desires with you, but have you shared your wants and needs with him? Don’t assume he knows. Tell him how you feel, what you need and why. Before you let go consider counseling. Sometimes a third, unbiased party can help two people find common ground.

Kudos to you for recognizing that you want to “get back to me.” No one can give their best to a relationship or marriage if they are consumed with it, drained and not happy with themselves. Take some time to focus on you. As you gain strength and peace within yourself, clarity will come, too.

Winks & Smiles,

Calling in the troops. Any “wives” words? Share your wisdom. Wives in-waiting want to know …

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I Did It For The Kids

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

For Real. I did it for the kids. I stopped at the store on my way home from tennis practice to pick up a few things and realized that the kids didn’t have any of these …

Yummy chocolate chip cookies

I could just picture my little babies’ faces when they woke up the next day and realized they didn’t have any cookies so I sacrificed myself and bought them. Sacrificed myself? Well, of course I would have to taste them to make sure that they were good enough for my little darlings to eat. Isn’t that what ever good mother does? Eat cookies for the well-being of her children?

So I took one, ahem, two for the team and ate some super yummy chocolate chip cookies last night. Since I’m in running-mama-mode right now I’m hoping the calories won’t linger and make friends with my thighs like they normally do. I’m back to apples slices and fat free ice pops today, but still, I wonder if my children realize how much I go through for them?

Winks & Smiles,

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Channeling Little Eddie

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

Husband and I received an invitation this week to come to the Media Center at Miles’ school to hear him read a story that he wrote at the Authors’ Breakfast. The Authors’ Breakfast gives a few students from each class (this week was the third grade) the opportunity to share their work in front of their parents and peers as they are recognized for outstanding writing.

Yes ya’ll I was more than thrilled. As I writer I LOVE my son’s interest in reading and creating his own stories. I’m definitely a proud mama and not afraid to show it.

As the program began we listened to several children come up and read wonderful stories about random topics including healthy eating and the importance of vegetables, the history of The White House, an essay on Benjamin Franklin and why football is one child’s favorite sport. I wondered what Miles wrote about. Maybe Martin Luther King, Jr. or the time he met MLK, Jr.’s sister. When they called Miles’ name, my chest poked out a little and it took everything I had not to yell out, that’s my son!

When he started his story titled “White Water,” I was beaming as he recounted a trip we took with our neighbor to the popular water park this past summer. His sentences flowed, he was speaking confidently and then things went a little, ahem, … left.

My little author reading his story

After explaining so nicely the fun we had on our outing, he decided to mix a little fiction in with reality and his story went something like this:

"My sister, our neighbor Brooke and I were having so much fun. It was a beautiful day. We loved going on the rides. My favorite was the Cliffhanger. It was so high then dropped straight down I thought I was going to die. It gave my sister a big old WEDGIE."

Gasp!

That would be me, wondering if everyone else just heard that, too. He continued …

"She cried and screamed like a little girl, then she wet her pants."

Gasp! Gasp!

OK, did the teacher read this story before she sent him out there? Hello! At this point Husband, and all the other adults in the room are trying hard to keep from laughing out loud as he took one more good stab at his sister …

"Next we tried to go on the Tornado but she vomited all over everybody so my mom took us home. The End."

Wow.

Well, I must say the child is creative and the essay was definitely, um, entertaining. I don’t know why I was so surprised since Miles loves reading the Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy Kid series – typical 8-year-old boy stuff - but I guess you never expect your child to stand up in front of everyone and discuss his sister’s bodily fluids in such detail. Nonetheless, I was still beaming and picked my jaw up off the floor before he came bouncing over to get my seal of approval.

Miles showing off his certificate

I think I giggled all morning as my son’s performance reminded me of the beginning of Eddie Murphy’s hit, stand-up movie, Raw. Yup, Miles was definitely channeling Little Eddie.



Winks & Smiles,

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Wifey's Twins

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

I’ve got two new babies!

My new twins

As much as I paid for them they feel like new babies. OK, I’m being a tad dramatic, I’m what some might call a little cheap frugal, but this is the most I’ve ever paid for sneakers. I usually search the clearance section, but everyone I’ve spoken to about running insisted that I get fitted for and buy good running shoes.

So I listened. I went to Big Peach Running Co., had my feet analyzed, hopped on their treadmill for a quick run and listened to the very knowledgeable sales guy as he found me the perfect shoes for my feet. Twenty minutes later, I walked out the door with a lighter wallet, peace of mind and two new babies.

After my first run in them I knew I made the right decision and lovingly laid them down for a nap so they would take care of me again on my next run. My daughter asked for her stroller back, but I told her mommy’s twins would be using it for awhile. I tried to squeeze a blanket out of her, too, but little girl wasn’t having it. I’m not sure if she’s adjusting very well to the new additions in the house.

Winks & Smiles,

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Still Standing

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I want to share this story that I posted last year on my former blog, Wifey's House, about Miles and his love for MLK, Jr.

Miles has had a thing for MLK, Jr. ever since he saw a video about him in Kindergarten. Honestly, I'm not sure if he's more fascinated with the incredible things that MLK, Jr. did for the civil rights movement or the fact that he got shot - with a "real gun."

One day he asked me if MLK, Jr.'s children are still alive. I told him yes, and that his sister is, too; and, that she works at the same place that mommy used to work. Well, to my delight you would have thought that I told the boy I'm best friends with Zack and Cody from The Suite Life or Hannah Montana. His eyes lit up and he excitedly asked if he could meet her.

“I don't know about that sweetie, but I can see if she will sign her children's book for you. What would you do if you could meet her?”

“I would probably fall down!”

When I shared this story with my former boss, she was as tickled as I was; so tickled that she picked up the phone and called Ms. Christine King Farris and asked her if she would meet my son. I don't know who was more excited - me or Miles! When I told him we need to make sure to take a picture he replied, “yes mama, I'll need it to show to my kids one day.”

Wow.

Miles, the gracious Christine King Farris and her autographed book, "My Brother Martin."

I'm glad to report that Miles didn't fall down that day, but his mommy was completely floored!

Winks & Smiles,

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The Definition of a Wife

Ask Wifey’s Q and A – Reversed

I DVR’d Oprah yesterday because I saw a commercial that the show would be about marriage. There were several interesting segments about women and marriage all around the world but it was something Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the new book Committed said that made me stop and think. She explained that a lot of women she knows want to be married but no one wants to be a “wife.”

Wow.

That made me question what exactly does that mean? And even more so, what’s the definition of a wife?

So, I looked it up.

According to Dictionary.com a wife is “a woman joined in marriage to a man; a woman considered in relation to her husband; spouse.”

Hmm. No surprises there, but does that really sum up what a wife is? So many words come to mind when I think about a wife. Partner. Spouse. Lover. Friend. Companion. Supporter. Backbone. Caregiver. Leader. The list could go on and on.

She went on to say that some of the “traditional” things that many wives take on in their households – cooking, cleaning, staying home to care for the kids - is probably the deterrent. While I may be known to complain about some of these things, ahem, (I really do have a list of reasons Why Wifey needs a Wife) I truly don’t mind doing some many of them. To me, being a wife is much more than washing some dishes or making sure the pantry is full. Hell, you can pay someone else to do that for you.

I want to be a wife. I chose to be a wife. I LOVE being a wife. I LOVE being my husband’s wife. It’s an honor and privilege to share the bond and the life that we have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

How about you? What’s your definition of a wife? Wives everywhere want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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Disney Princess Power Activate!

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey's House

As many of you may know, I’ve decided to run the ING Georgia Marathon in March. Well, Mother Nature had other plans for me when she derailed my training with unseasonably cold temperatures and unlikely snow and ice in Hotlanta. Right. So, I’m going with the flow and making a change. I will run a marathon in 2010, but I’m not going to rush it. In fact, I’m going to make an event out of it. I’ve decided to choose a marathon later in the year so that I can train properly for it and have fun – yes I said fun – doing it.

I’m planning a running tour of different races in various cities leading up to my goal and I’m kicking off the fun with Disney’s Princess Half Marathon Weekend in Orlando March 5-7, 2010. Yes, the first stop on my Run Wifey Run tour is at one of my favorite places ever – Walt Disney World.

What better place to start my journey than at the place where dreams come true? I mean, if I’m struggling to finish the race my Fairy Godmother can wave her magic wand and I’m sure to cross the finish line triumphantly. Oh, and I can sport a tiara in true princess fashion, too.

Maybe I’ll wear this one?

Needless to say I’m super excited and I’m looking forward to the big day, but most importantly I’m excited to incorporate exercise into my everyday life in such a fun and memorable way. In order to have a healthy and happy marriage, you’ve got to start with a healthy and happy you. You don’t have to run a marathon, ahem, but you’ve got to do something to take care of youself.

What are you doing this year for you? I’d love to know and cheer you on …

Winks & Smiles,

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Right to Refuse?

I recently wrote a parenting feature for Upscale Magazine that tackles the touchy topic of parental rights when it comes to refusing medical treatment for their children. The article, “Thin Line: What Parental Rights Do Moms and Dads Have When Uncle Sam Gets a Say?” in the December/January 2010 issue, highlights several real-life scenarios and sheds some light on how and when the law can intervene.

The article also includes a comment from fellow blogger Liseth Araya at Chic Mommy USA, Holistic Living for Today’s Mom. If you pass a newsstand, make sure to check it out!

Winks & Smiles,

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The Silent Treatment

A little mindless marriage humor I found surfing the web … and proof, ahem, the silent treatment doesn’t work.

“A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 a.m.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up.’"

How about you? Do you and your husband ever play the silent game? Quiet wives want to know ...

Winks & Smiles,

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Dedication

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

Dedication. I didn’t think that word truly existed in my vocabulary until this morning – at least when it came to taking care of myself. I truly believe that one essential key to a happy and healthy marriage is first making sure that you are happy and healthy yourself. I’ve always believed that, but haven’t always acted on it. Husbands, kids, work, pets, chores, extended family, activities, life comes into play and next thing you know we wives often put ourselves on hold for everyone and everything.

Not anymore. Not this year. While I plan on being just as loving and attentive to my family, friends and work; I’m going to step up my love and dedication to myself. There are things that I want to do this year and I’m not going to stand in my own way.

Back to this morning, and dedication. I’m training for a marathon. Today is my long run day. My schedule said 8 miles. The weatherman said 24 degrees, wind-chill 10. My body said my brain was crazy as it made me get up and head out the door as planned. Did I mention I live in Hotlanta? This is probably the coldest day of the year. After piling on layers of clothing and all my gear (hand warmers and my iPod are musts) I was ready to face the pavement, and the cold, with no regrets.

Still smiling after 8 miles

Not only did I not regret it, but I actually enjoyed it. It felt good to move one – or in this case – many steps closer to my goal instead of hiding behind tons of excuses.

How about you? What are you dedicating yourself to this year? Motivated moms and wives want to know…

Here’s to a Happy and Healthy New Year!

Winks & Smiles,

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