Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House
Yes, I could probably come up with more than 1000 reasons why I need a wife … and a chef, a housekeeper, a driver, a personal assistant, a laundry attendant, a nanny and a clone of myself since I do all these things and more. After looking at the long list of things I do daily, I decided if I had a wife (like me) I could possibly relax a little. Then I woke up … and started this list.
Here’s reason #702:
To Make Sure Husband Doesn’t Scare the Bejeezus Out of the Kids When I’m Not Home
I called Husband on the way home from tennis practice last night and asked him if the kids went to sleep alright and if they put the tooth my daughter, Milan, lost earlier in the day under her pillow.
Husband: “Yeah, they're fine but they did go to sleep a little late.”
Red flag number one.
Husband: “We didn’t put Milan’s tooth under her pillow cause she didn’t know what you did with the tooth and she didn’t know if the Tooth Fairy would come since she’s sleeping on the floor.”
Red flag number two.
Me: “Um, why is Milan sleeping on the floor?”
Husband: “Because she told me that bed bugs aren’t real, and I told her they are.”
Red flags number three through ten.
Husband: “She said ‘don’t let the bed bugs bite’ is just a saying and I told her that there really are bed bugs.”
Me: “Are you kidding me?”
Husband: “No, I didn’t want to lie to the girl.”
Me: “Um, dear, she’s six.”
Oh, but wait, it gets better.
Husband: “She was fine until she saw the picture.”
This is the point in the conversation where I almost dropped the phone.
Me: “You’re kidding me, right? You didn’t really show her a picture, did you?”
Husband: “Yes, I did. Hey, do you know what bed bugs look like?”
*Insert loud sigh here.*
Husband: “Do you?”
Me: “They look like ticks, dear.”
Husband: “Very good, that’s right.”
Ugh. Where is my wife when I need her?
Winks & Smiles,