Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My father-in-law’s birthday was last week and we missed it. My husband totally forgot about it. I really don’t think my father-in-law minded, but my mother-in-law clearly did. I can’t believe my husband didn’t remember and what’s worse is his mother implied that I was the one who forgot. I feel guilty, but had no idea it was his birthday. My husband told her it was his fault, but I still get the feeling that all eyes are on me. Should I say something to her to clear the air?
- Mrs. Missed Birthday Blues
Dear Mrs. Missed Birthday Blues:
Missing family birthdays suck, but, at least it wasn’t your mother-in-law’s – I’m sure the wrath would have been much worse.
Of course all eyes are on you. You’re the wife now, and unless you and your husband have a specific understanding, most birthday responsibilities automatically fall on you. It might sound sexist, but it’s true. If this is something that you just can’t handle, speak up now so that you and your husband can find an alternate plan, otherwise, call your mother-in-law, let her know that you never want to miss anyone’s birthday again and then ask her to open up her date book.
Once she agrees, grab your own notebook (you should have one to keep all new family information that you think you’ll remember but won’t like birthdays, phone numbers, how people are related, who stops by for unexpected visits, etc.) and write down everyone’s birthday – even if you don’t plan on sending them a card. Power is in knowledge. Put the key family members into your organizer and make a note for those who need a special fuss.
It sounds like a lot, but it’s really not. You’ll eventually remember them without prompting, but until you do, avoid the guilt and the blame; and simply write them down.
Winks & Smiles,
Are you the date keeper in your house? Ever miss a birthday or anniversary? How do you keep track? Wondering wives want to know…
The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.