Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wifey's Weekly Q and A
My husband has a long-time female friend that has been overstepping her bounds. I know their relationship is platonic, but sometimes she’s confused and acts like he’s her man. She calls on him to fix her computer, to help her with her yard, if her car breaks down, and anything else that a woman wants her man to do. He’s married now and needs to be at home with me taking care of my “honey-do list” not hers. I want to tell her to back off, what should I say?
- Mrs. Helpful Husband
Dear Mrs. Helpful Husband:
I wouldn’t say anything to her, especially without addressing your husband first. Start with him, but tackle this carefully. You don’t want to come across like the jealous-whiney wife. Have a simple but serious conversation with him explaining that you are completely comfortable with their friendship, but not with her monopolizing his time. Don’t get into girlfriend talk with your husband, “you’re my man, not hers, blah, blah, blah,” he won’t get it and will probably start to tune you out. Let him know that he's needed at home, too, and while occasionally helping her is fine, perhaps making himself not so accessible to her every call would be best for everyone.
Don’t put demands on him – that often leads to a rebellious reaction – instead give him some time to react positively. If he doesn’t respond the way you like, a second more detail conversation might be needed. Continue to keep your cool and ask him to look at things from your shoes. Would he want you cooking, cleaning and writing thank you notes for your male friends while he’s sitting at home? Sometimes a peek at what could be is enough to inspire change. I’m willing to bet that’ll make him suggest she get AAA roadside service and a new landscaper, too.
Winks & Smiles,
I don’t know if it’s marriage, the baby, or age (I just turned 35), but I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I used to be. I don’t like the way I look or feel. I’m ready to make a change but the thought of exercising everyday is horrifying. Do I really have to do it or can I just skip a meal or two?
- Mrs. Exercise Everyday
Dear Mrs. Exercise Everyday:
No and No!
No, you do not have to exercise everyday. Your body needs time to rest. Exercising everyday can actually be counterproductive and may lead to injury and burnout. I recommend starting at three days a week and working your way up to five. You should try to incorporate a mix of cardiovascular activity, strength training and stretching into your exercise plan. Start with finding something that’s not so horrifying for you to do. Do you like to walk, play tennis or do workout tapes in your own home? Pick something that can get you going. You might want to consider working with a personal trainer to get you started on a safe plan tailored to your needs; and remember to see your doctor before starting any exercise program.
And no, do not skip meals. That is one of the worst things you can do to lose weight. When you miss meals your body goes into starvation mode and holds on to everything you consume, often leading to weight gain. Your body needs fuel to function. A nutritionist can put together a healthy meal plan filled with delicious foods to help you meet your goals. If you want to do this solo, there are plenty of good resources on-line and on bookshelves to get you started.
Winks & Smiles,
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The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.