Thursday, February 19, 2009
It’s been five years since my husband has been to the doctor. We’re in our thirties now and he’s gained a little weight. I think it would be wise for him to get a check up, but he seems to be dreading it. He’s been saying he’ll do it but doesn’t have time to make the appointment. He needs to go to the doctor but doesn’t he need to be responsible for himself? I don’t want to make the appointment for him. I’m not his mother. How do I get him to go?
-Mrs. Doctor Dilemma
Dear Mrs. Doctor Dilemma:
You are correct you are not his mother, you are his wife. You are his partner, his support system, his friend, his lover and the person that should look out for him when he doesn’t have enough sense to do it for himself. That doesn’t make you his mother. That makes you a damn good wife! I see so many new wives struggle with the “I’m not his mother” syndrome. The younger generation has been conditioned to be strong, independent and almost in competition with their partner. That way of thinking will only sabotage your marriage.
One of the best things about having a partner is that you can lean on each other. Nurturing is a strong part of what women do, it’s ingrained in us. But, when it comes time to do it to our husbands, too many wives mistake that for being motherly. Please don’t make that mistake, especially at the price of your husband’s health. How do you get him to go? Make the appointment for him.
Winks & Smiles,
My husband and I are trying to plan our vacation this year. Normally we do two vacations, one with the kids and one without. The budget is limited this year and we can only afford one. I say we should take the kids along and he says no way. Why should the kids suffer because the funds are low? Family time is important to me. He says he understands that but would like to go to the islands somewhere and relax, just the two of us. I guess I feel guilty, like I’m cheating the kids if I don’t take them with us. What should I do?
- Mrs. Vacation Blues:
Dear Mrs. Vacation Blues:
You should plan on sipping tropical drinks on the beach with your husband! When the funds are right, two vacations a year are ideal, but if your husband is requesting private time with his wife on an island miles away from your children, my advice is don’t disappoint him. It sounds like your family is very important to you. Well, your husband is part of that family. In fact, you and your husband were together before there were any kids to bring along on vacation.
Sometimes, the best thing for the entire family is to take some time to care for your marriage. What better way to do that then on a beach with the man of your dreams - especially if he is requesting it! Don’t feel guilty about leaving your children, they are resilient little creatures and will be fine. Perhaps you can plan some local family activities to take the place of your family vacation. A one-day road trip to a new place can be exciting for everyone.
Winks & Smiles,
Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts. Got a question? E-mail Wifey at firstname.lastname@example.org
The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.