Why Wifey Needs a Wife: Reason #702

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

Yes, I could probably come up with more than 1000 reasons why I need a wife … and a chef, a housekeeper, a driver, a personal assistant, a laundry attendant, a nanny and a clone of myself since I do all these things and more. After looking at the long list of things I do daily, I decided if I had a wife (like me) I could possibly relax a little. Then I woke up … and started this list.

Here’s reason #702:

To Make Sure Husband Doesn’t Scare the Bejeezus Out of the Kids When I’m Not Home

I called Husband on the way home from tennis practice last night and asked him if the kids went to sleep alright and if they put the tooth my daughter, Milan, lost earlier in the day under her pillow.

Husband: “Yeah, they're fine but they did go to sleep a little late.”

Red flag number one.

Husband: “We didn’t put Milan’s tooth under her pillow cause she didn’t know what you did with the tooth and she didn’t know if the Tooth Fairy would come since she’s sleeping on the floor.”

Red flag number two.

Me: “Um, why is Milan sleeping on the floor?”

Husband: “Because she told me that bed bugs aren’t real, and I told her they are.”

Red flags number three through ten.

Me: “What?”

Husband: “She said ‘don’t let the bed bugs bite’ is just a saying and I told her that there really are bed bugs.”

Me: “Are you kidding me?”

Husband: “No, I didn’t want to lie to the girl.”

Me: “Um, dear, she’s six.”

Oh, but wait, it gets better.

Husband: “She was fine until she saw the picture.”

This is the point in the conversation where I almost dropped the phone.

Me: “You’re kidding me, right? You didn’t really show her a picture, did you?”

Husband: “Yes, I did. Hey, do you know what bed bugs look like?”

*Insert loud sigh here.*

Husband: “Do you?”

Me: “They look like ticks, dear.”

Husband: “Very good, that’s right.”

Ugh. Where is my wife when I need her?

Winks & Smiles,

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Anonymous,  November 17, 2009 at 10:39 AM  

Friend too funny!


Eyeglasses & Endzones November 17, 2009 at 10:53 AM  

I am laughing so hard right now;) Good one!

MsTypo November 17, 2009 at 12:26 PM  

They are awfully creepy and icky looking. How did you convince her to get back in her own bed?

Jen @ After The Alter November 17, 2009 at 12:41 PM  

I laughed out loud when I read this post. Because that is sometime I can see my husband doing in the future! lol I hope you get her back in bed tonight!

La'Tonya Richardson November 17, 2009 at 1:31 PM  

That's pretty funny! No, that's very funny!

MOMSWEB November 17, 2009 at 2:49 PM  

You stole my phrase about needing a wife. Hubby always asks me what I want and my answer is ALWAYS..."A Wife!"

I pray your baby isn't still on the floor, but the thought of bed bugs should make us all sleep on the floor!

The Broke Socialite November 17, 2009 at 9:43 PM  

HIlarious! At least it's not Ryan...that's all I'm sayin'.

joanofalltrades November 17, 2009 at 10:50 PM  

OMG! That is so something my husband would do. For some reason he has this idea that kids are adults in little people's bodies, so he thinks he can rationalize with them. Lord help him (and me) when the baby comes!

bed bugs November 18, 2009 at 8:38 AM  

It is really hard to get rid of bed bugs. i also had this problem and the best solution is to replace all your bed room.

Anonymous,  November 19, 2009 at 4:03 PM  

Love it!

This is so something my husband would try. Sometimes it's just too much info for little ones.

godamongus November 19, 2009 at 5:10 PM  

God bless you! I think you will find my latest topic interesting.


Anonymous,  April 5, 2013 at 11:29 AM  

Okay 1), do not lie to kids at any age. 2) he should have reminded her that he/you have done everything to make sure bed bugs do not exist in the home. He was right, but needed follow up.

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