Husband 1.0

Friday, February 27, 2009

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

I wish I could take credit for writing this little gem, but it was passed on to me – author unknown – via e-mail. How’s your Husband 1.0 running?

Winks & Smiles,

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Fair Fighting ... and Toilet Trauma

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wifey’s Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband and I don't have a lot of fights but when we do it’s hard for us to "kiss and make up." Both of us seem to be stuck in the mode of proving the other person wrong and making sure that our point is heard. We have a hard time listening to each other and feeling empathy for each other's position. Can you give me some tips on fair fighting and on making up afterwards?

- Mrs. Fair Fighting

Dear Mrs. Fair Fighting:

Kudos on recognizing the problem, sometimes that’s the hardest part. This type of fighting is very common, especially with new millennium couples. Many wives are often so concerned about being right and maintaining their independence that they end up in competition with their spouses. We should be striving to align with our partners, not trying to conquer them.

My suggestion is for you to take the lead and make a conscious decision to break the competitive cycle. If you take a new, positive approach to fighting eventually he will follow suit. Be patient and strong, it can be difficult in the beginning – especially if he is still showing little empathy — but hang in there, your relationship will be better for it. Also, don’t announce your new plan of action. He might get defensive so just make it happen. Here’s a few Do’s and Don’ts to get you started:

Do put yourself in his shoes. Think about things from his perspective and really try to understand his point of view.

Don’t go below the belt. He’s your husband, remember that you love him and he should be the last person that you want to hurt.

Do agree to disagree. Sometimes you have to call a truce and let it go.

Do say “I feel” instead of “you did.” Even if you know it’s his fault, finger pointing will only make things worse.

Don’t over analyze. Listen to the words that are coming out of his mouth. Most men don’t have hidden agendas, they are straightforward and to the point.

As for making up, once you’re fighting a little fairer this will come easier, too; until then, give each other space to cool down and do your best to leave the argument in the past. “Kissing and making up” might be the perfect incentive to fight fair faster.

Winks & Smiles


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Dear Wifey:

I have the classic problem: my husband forgets to put the toilet seat down. I’m tired of going to the bathroom and falling in the toilet. I’ve asked him a million times to try and remember, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. What should I do?

- Mrs. Toilet Trauma

Dear Mrs. Toilet Trauma:

The answer seems so simple to me now, but I remember a time when I, too, used to stress over silly stuff — it’s so easy to do! I continually come across so many women who give too much energy to things that don’t deserve it. So many that I decided to address it in my new book “Help! I’m a Newlywed…What Do I Do Now? Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage. Here’s what I say:

Don’t harp on silly stuff. Who cares if the toilet seat is up or down, or if the cap is on the toothpaste? Get a grip, or your own toothpaste, and let the gripe go!

It’s so cliché to even address some of these stereotypical gripes, so I’ll be really brief. Life is too short to give the toilet seat so much of your precious time. Once you get into your marriage, you’ll realize that there are bigger fish to fry, hills to climb, battles to pick (since I’m being cliché, why not go there?), and that it really doesn’t make much difference if he lowers the toilet seat or not. The following is probably the simplest piece of advice that I can give: if you go to use the bathroom and he left the toilet seat up… put it down.

Winks & Smiles,

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Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts. Got a question? E-mail Wifey at questions@askwifey.com.

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Working Wives

Monday, February 23, 2009

Is it possible to have a successful career and a successful marriage?

I tackle that question and explore several tactics to make it happen in the current issue of Heart & Soul magazine.



On stands now, the February/March 2009 issue with our new First Couple on the cover features my article, “Working Wives, Balancing Marriage & Career,” on pages 54-55.

Make sure to pick your copy; and as always, please feel free to leave a comment and weigh in. Do you think it’s possible to have a successful career and a successful marriage? Working wives want to know…

Winks & Smiles,

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Doctor Dilemma ... and Vacation Blues

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dear Wifey:

It’s been five years since my husband has been to the doctor. We’re in our thirties now and he’s gained a little weight. I think it would be wise for him to get a check up, but he seems to be dreading it. He’s been saying he’ll do it but doesn’t have time to make the appointment. He needs to go to the doctor but doesn’t he need to be responsible for himself? I don’t want to make the appointment for him. I’m not his mother. How do I get him to go?

-Mrs. Doctor Dilemma


Dear Mrs. Doctor Dilemma:

You are correct you are not his mother, you are his wife. You are his partner, his support system, his friend, his lover and the person that should look out for him when he doesn’t have enough sense to do it for himself. That doesn’t make you his mother. That makes you a damn good wife! I see so many new wives struggle with the “I’m not his mother” syndrome. The younger generation has been conditioned to be strong, independent and almost in competition with their partner. That way of thinking will only sabotage your marriage.

One of the best things about having a partner is that you can lean on each other. Nurturing is a strong part of what women do, it’s ingrained in us. But, when it comes time to do it to our husbands, too many wives mistake that for being motherly. Please don’t make that mistake, especially at the price of your husband’s health. How do you get him to go? Make the appointment for him.

Winks & Smiles,

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Dear Wifey:

My husband and I are trying to plan our vacation this year. Normally we do two vacations, one with the kids and one without. The budget is limited this year and we can only afford one. I say we should take the kids along and he says no way. Why should the kids suffer because the funds are low? Family time is important to me. He says he understands that but would like to go to the islands somewhere and relax, just the two of us. I guess I feel guilty, like I’m cheating the kids if I don’t take them with us. What should I do?

- Mrs. Vacation Blues:

Dear Mrs. Vacation Blues:

You should plan on sipping tropical drinks on the beach with your husband! When the funds are right, two vacations a year are ideal, but if your husband is requesting private time with his wife on an island miles away from your children, my advice is don’t disappoint him. It sounds like your family is very important to you. Well, your husband is part of that family. In fact, you and your husband were together before there were any kids to bring along on vacation.

Sometimes, the best thing for the entire family is to take some time to care for your marriage. What better way to do that then on a beach with the man of your dreams - especially if he is requesting it! Don’t feel guilty about leaving your children, they are resilient little creatures and will be fine. Perhaps you can plan some local family activities to take the place of your family vacation. A one-day road trip to a new place can be exciting for everyone.

Winks & Smiles,

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Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts. Got a question? E-mail Wifey at questions@askwifey.com

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Daddy's Baby Bug Dilemma ... and Shower-Me-Anyway

Yesterday I had a male friend ask me what does it make him if he reads Ask Wifey. My answer – smart!

While most of my advice addresses women I definitely welcome questions, feedback and support from all the men out there. I believe it’s important to understand how the opposite sex thinks to thrive in your marriage because it’s different - man is it different.

So with that said, here’s a Q&A featuring a question from a husband who’s got a little dilemma.

Dear Wifey:

OK, I'm not King Solomon and I'm not interested in physically sawing a baby in half, trust me, however, I do have a small dilemma: my wife has caught the baby bug, again, and I haven't. We waited five years into marriage to take the parenthood plunge. I have a wonderful 2 year-old daughter that I love dearly and who has stole daddy's heart. My wife has expressed an interest in coming out of the pool and diving again but I kinda like where I am. Unfortunately, there's no negotiating here. You either have another child or you don't. So, what do you think? How can I ensure a happy, tranquil home if something my wife desires I don't desire to give - right now anyway? It’s dicey.

-Mr. Baby Bug Dilemma


Dear Mr. Baby Bug Dilemma:

Dicey indeed! First let me say I love getting questions from men and give you big kudos for taking the time to search for the right answer. Unfortunately, I can’t give it to you. It’s something that you and your wife will have to come to on your own. I can tell you I recently answered a similar question a couple weeks ago, clearly this is an issue that many couples are dealing with, and you and your wife are not alone!

You both need to communicate your feelings about having another baby so you can try and reach a unified decision that both of you can live with. Start off by talking to your wife openly and honestly about what you want; and also why you feel that way. Don’t assume she knows. What may seem obvious or logical to you may not to her. It might sound sexist, but remember women tend to think more emotionally than men – especially about having babies. Encourage her to share her feelings, wants and needs, too. And listen to them. Put yourself in her shoes and ask her to do the same. Don’t rush or be pressured into making a quick decision, this may take some time and several conversations.

Deciding on having another child can leave one spouse with resentment if the decision isn’t made honestly and together. If you two are having difficulty communicating on your own, counseling may be a viable option.

Winks & Smiles,

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Dear Wifey:

My fiancé and I are thinking about eloping. We are contemplating a small destination wedding with a few close people near and dear to our heart. When we get back we want to have a party to celebrate our new marriage. Even though I don’t want a traditional wedding I still want to have some of the traditional fun. Am I wrong if I still want a bridal shower even though I’m not having a “regular” wedding?

- Mrs. Shower-Me-Anyway


Dear Mrs. Shower-Me-Anyway:

Hmm, I’m no Emily Post, but I do know that you are not supposed to invite anyone to your shower that you are not inviting to your wedding. So, if you’re only inviting a few close people to your wedding, I’m guessing proper etiquette would dictate a shower with those few people. But, since Wifey isn’t that proper, I say go for it.

There’s no reason why you can’t have a tactful, intimate shower with people who love you and want to shower you with love, blessings and some fabulous presents. The key word here is tactful. Because you are not having the traditional wedding, it makes sense to keep your guess list close and intimate. Don’t invite people you haven’t seen in years and make sure that everyone invited to your shower is on the list for your post-wedding soirée. Other than that, give your girlfriends the go ahead and have a great time!

Winks & Smiles,

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Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts. Got a question? E-mail Wifey at questions@askwifey.com

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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She's Back ... And All Dolled Up

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Welcome to the newly made-over AskWifey.com!

I know… for my regular readers you have been waiting patiently and I so appreciate you. I hope you enjoy the new look and format.

To my new visitors, thanks for coming by. I started Ask Wifey a year ago to help wives and mothers move through the hectic world of marriage and motherhood easier – or at least let them know they are not alone. You can read more about my story here.

Unfortunately, when I decided to change formats I was unable to take my content with me. I’ve decided to post some of my favorite questions from the past year to share a little with those who are new to the site, so please check out this one and look for more posts daily throughout the next week.

I’m also launching two new columns – Wives’ Words and Moms’ Musings. Both of them will feature words of wisdom and fun stories from real wives and moms. If you’re interested in contributing you can shoot me a note at info@askwifey.com. And, if that’s not enough, I’ve got plans for upcoming video posts, useful reviews and much more.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed over to The Chatterbox Show. Today, February 18, at 10 a.m. EST, I’ll be chatting it up with Christie from My Life…A Work in Progress on her weekly internet talk show, The Chatterbox. If you’ve never tuned in, now would be a great time to check her – and Wifey - out.

Winks & Smiles,

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Future Discussions... and A Loving, Disorderly Husband

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Dear Wifey:


I’m getting married in two months to the man of my dreams. We met right after college, dated for five years and I feel like we know each other really well. We both want kids and are saving to buy our first house. I know it’s important for us to be on the same page when it comes to the future. What other things, besides children, do we need to discuss before we get married?

-Mrs. Future Discussions

Dear Mrs. Future Discussions:

Kudos to you for thinking about the future. There are many topics that you and your fiancé should discuss before you tie the knot. Knowing that you want kids is great, but do you know how many? And, when are you going to have these beautiful little babies? Oh yeah, and are you going to stay home and take care of them? What about money?

Career goals, money management, retirement plans – all of these things should be considered and discussed before your big day to make sure you’re walking down the right aisle. In all the excitement of planning a fabulous wedding, I realize that talking about retiring or what religion you are going to teach your kids is not really sexy, but they are conversations that can ensure the start of a strong, solid marriage. You do not have to map out your entire future detail by detail, however, making sure that you both are on the same page, or have a plan for compromising is crucial.

Dr. Robin L. Smith, a psychologist who regularly appears on The Oprah Winfrey Show, wrote a book called Lies at the Altar, The Truth About Great Marriages. In chapter nine, “Eyes Wide Open,” she list 276 questions to ask before you marry. They tackle topics like work, home, sex, money, family, parenting and so on. Some you may already have the answers to and some you might have never thought about. They are definitely worth a look.

Winks & Smiles,

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Dear Wifey:


My husband is wonderful, loving and means well. Every weekend he gives me a few hours to myself while he looks after the kids. I appreciate this but when I get back home, the house is a wreck, the kids are all wound-up, and have only eaten snacks. I’m glad that they are having so much fun together; and I am enjoying my time away, but how do I get my husband to keep the house and kids in a little more order?

- Mrs. Loving & Disorderly Husband

Dear Mrs. Loving & Disorderly Husband:

OK, let me see if I understand this correctly: you are enjoying your time away; your husband and your kids are enjoying their time together; everybody is happy, safe and fed – even if it’s goldfish crackers and fruit snacks; but, you would like to rock the boat and have things done your way, even though you’re not there, just so you don’t come home to a messy house?

You could step in and take control. Pre-plan some activities for your husband and children and leave them lunch already made, but is that really necessary - especially at the cost of your husband’s dignity? He is stepping up to the plate and providing what I’m sure is a much needed break for you. He’s a grown man. He’s their father. Unless there is a real threat of danger, you need to relax and let him handle it. If you question his capability when it’s really not necessary it can be damaging to your relationship and will probably squash his future attempts at family fun.

If the mess is really that bad when you get home, have him and the kids help clean it up. Make it a game, give a reward, do it together, but, don’t say anything else to your husband except thank you and ask him what time you should plan your next outing.

Winks & Smiles,

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Got a question for Wifey? E-mail her at questions@askwifey.com. Want to weigh in? Don’t be shy, leave a comment and share your thoughts.

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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