Mother's Day Dilemma: Mad Mom or Angry Husband

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband wants us to go visit his mom for Mother’s Day weekend. My mother lives in the same city that we do and we always spend Mother’s Day with her. I know she’s going to be upset if we go away and my husband is going to be upset if we don’t. Either way I lose. What should I do?

- Mrs. Mad Mom or Angry Husband

Dear Mrs. Mad Mom or Angry Husband:

I know she’s your mother — the woman who gave birth to you, cared for you and raised you to be the wonderful person that you are — BUT, you might want to consider going with your husband this time. It’s important to remember and respect that he has a mother who did all of those things for him, too. Since you’ve spent every previous Mother’s Day with your mother and she lives in the same area that you do, I think that it’s a reasonable request for your husband to want his wife to travel with him to visit his family for a change.

Dividing your time and attention between two families can be challenging but necessary if circumstances do not allow for everyone to be together during special days. Explain this to your mother gently, but don’t be apologetic — you are not doing anything wrong! Plan something special for the two of you to do before you leave so she doesn’t feel like an after thought. Making a schedule for future Mother’s Days (and other holidays, too) may relieve some of the stress. If you have a plan and everyone is aware of it ahead of time it can help alleviate the pressure.

Winks & Smiles,

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Would you stay or would you go? How do you handle holidays between families? Daughters everywhere want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.


Sandra Winn April 15, 2009 at 9:40 AM  

Kudos, Wife, for your spectacular advice on what is such a touchy issue!

LeNesha April 15, 2009 at 9:40 AM  

Great advice. I really like the though of making plans for mom that lives in same area prior to leaving. Help both moms to feel extra special.


Anonymous,  April 15, 2009 at 9:45 AM  

This is where I'm glad I live states away from the both of them and on Mother's Day it's all about me and I can make a phone call to all of them.

Keree,  April 15, 2009 at 10:11 AM  

Kudos to you, great advice. Alternating holidays is nice and planning is key. Perhaps next year Mrs. Mad Mom or Angry Husband could invite hubby's Mom to town so everyone can spend Mother's Day together.

Stesha April 15, 2009 at 11:02 AM  

Great advice! We alternate each year.

Hugs and Mocha,

Shanny April 15, 2009 at 11:05 AM  

My husband and I alternate. Luckily both our mom's live in the same state.
Great advise though, I agree that it's time to visit his mom for mother's day...

Funkidivagirl April 15, 2009 at 12:50 PM  

Mrs Cooper got the best idea! I used to live in a different state than both my mother and mother-in-law and I celebrated Mother's Day with just my kids and husband; it was great! Now, I live in state with BOTH my mother and mother-in-law and every year it is a nightmare. My mother makes me feel guilty for celebrating with just my family and is jealous if we do anything with my mother-in-law. We've tried doing joint affairs with both moms and me, but my mother feels cheated still. Really, it's a nightmare. And that goes for Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving too. :(

Mammatalk April 15, 2009 at 1:13 PM  

Good advice. It is so hard to deal with family issues once you start your own branch of the family tree, isn't it?

Felicia - I complete Me April 15, 2009 at 1:40 PM  

This is great advice. I too live very close to my hubbys mom (she lives in our basement) so I rarely get to see my mom on mother's day since she is in another state. But mother's day is about me. I send my mom a card and give her a phone call and then get pampered.

The Broke Socialite April 15, 2009 at 2:06 PM  

Very good advice. We alternate and it works for everyone. Now if I can only remember who gets the visit this year...

Kathy B! April 15, 2009 at 3:34 PM  

We don't have this problem as my inlaws and parent live far, far away. I miss them all terribly but being able to avoid this type of tension is definitely the upside!

Love the comments on this one!

Unknown April 15, 2009 at 4:30 PM  

Thanks, Ladies, for your input! And, I must say I agree with Kathy B - Love the comments on this one! Smiles!

Nana April 15, 2009 at 9:52 PM  

I would go. I agree with you the MOL needs some love too, and I think mom would understand that.

CG April 18, 2009 at 7:44 AM  

This is good advice. Sadly I have not spent one Mother's Day with my mom since leaving for college. We have kind of gotten used to it...just the way the cookie crumbles kind of thing.

Jenni April 20, 2009 at 9:19 AM  

As long as I get spoiled on my day...I don't care where we go!

MrsM April 20, 2009 at 11:06 AM  

My MIL and step-FIL have small children at home (their daughters are 7 and 5) so they take their kids to see their parents (Hubby's grandparents) for the holidays and then Hubby and I and the kids will usually go over a few days later to celebrate with his mom and step dad...which leaves us free to go see my family on special days!

I do make Hubby call them ON the day though.

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