Frustrated Friend

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

I am a young mom, and I am the only one of my friends that has a family. I have one friend in particular who is a young, single professional that is always talking about staying home and having kids like it's a prison sentence. Once she even said that she felt sorry for me because I'm "tied down to a husband and children at such a young age." I don't feel tied down at all – I happen to love the idea of having babies young because when I'm in my 40s I'll be vacationing with my husband and spoiling my grandchildren while she (my friend) changes diapers! Plus I love my husband, and our kids, and I couldn't imagine anything I'd rather be doing right now than being a stay at home wife and mom.

I've tried to tell her how I feel, but she is skeptical and thinks I "have to say that" to justify my choices. She's a really good, really old friend, but it's really starting to grate on me that she can't just be happy that I'm happy and support me the way I support her with her career. What do I do?

- Mrs. Frustrated Friend

Dear Mrs. Frustrated Friend:

Stop having that conversation with your friend. You don’t have to justify your decisions about your family life to anyone – including your friends. Career or family? Work or stay home? Those are touchy topics that having been driving wedges between women for decades – don’t let that happen that to you.

It sounds like you really care for your friend. Remember that people aren’t perfect and friends have flaws, too. You’ve both voiced your opinions and have opposing thoughts on the topic; that happens and it’s OK as long as you both remain respectful. It’s time to agree to disagree and leave it alone so that it doesn’t ruin your friendship. Next time the topic comes up simply let her know that you love the decisions you’ve made, you love her, and you’d love to change the subject.

Winks & Smiles,

How about you? Do you have a touchy topic and a friend you disagree with? How do you handle it? Girlfriends everywhere want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

No it’s not Christmas, it’s my birthday. That’s right, I’m celebrating the eighth anniversary of my 30th birthday and I must say I’m feeling pretty good.

For those of you who used to visit me at Wifey’s House you might remember my goal of fitting into a bikini on my birthday. Well, I’m pleased to say that I’m rocking a tankini with ease and that’s about all the “ini” I need right now. I do still feel a bikini in my future and I’m sure I’ll get there – one day – during my 38th year.

In the meantime, I’ll spare you the bathing suit pics but will share this one …



Yup, that’s me on the left – about thirty-something years ago – with my favorite sister (yes, she's my only sister, but if she wasn't she'd still be my favorite), Nicole.

I know … I must be getting old; my children were amazed we had cameras back then.

Winks & Smiles,

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Drove the Chevy to The Levee …

No, I won’t be driving to any levees anytime soon, but I will be driving a brand new Chevy to BlogHer ’09.

That’s right, me, my BlogRolling partner, Christie, and the fabulous Denene at My Brown Baby are packing our bags, loading up our iPods and planning the best BlogHer or Bust Road Trip imaginable; and the good folks at General Motors are providing a Chevrolet for us to drive via their BlogHer’ 09 Carpool.

This is just one of the many exciting things we have happening at The BlogRollers. What started as a girlfriends’ getaway has turned into a full blown brand. We are all about promoting the power of female bloggers and I must say the love and support we have received so quickly has been amazing. If you haven’t been by, please come check us out and sign our BlogRoll, so we – and everyone else – can show you some love, too.

Are you going to BlogHer ’09? If so, let me know … I’d love to meet you there.

Winks & Smiles,

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Wives’ Words – Hanging with Mrs. Cooper

I decided not to post my Weekly Q and A today – gasp!, don’t worry it’ll be back next week – so I could shine the spotlight on the debut of Wives’ Words. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so every two weeks I will highlight other wives and will share their words of wisdom with you.

First up is Mrs. C from Hanging with Mrs. Cooper. One of my favorite reads, I can always count on Mrs. Cooper to dish about something exciting, informative or just downright funny.

Here’s Mrs. C’s Wives’ Words:



Name: Angela
Husband’s name: Rick
Years married: 14 going on 15 in July
Children (ages): Three children ages 13, 11 and 9
Occupation: Event Planner
Blog/website: Hanging with Mrs. Cooper

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I feared that this wonderful man who I thought the world of was going to do a 360 on me and change. But fortunately that did not happen. He remained the same compassionate and caring person who he has always been.

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
The best thing is that he's my best friend. I tell him everything first whether it's good or bad. We don't have family here in Massachusetts; it's just us and our children. So I feel like we have to fight harder to make it work. He makes life so easy for me. Once my husband became a father I felt like I watched he and I truly grow up. I see an even softer side of him and we truly adore him but love to run him nuts, too. He loves it.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Besides the usual stresses of finances and toting the kids here and there I would say it's really making sure we understand each other's point of view. Sometimes we disagree and it's up to us to figure out a solution to the problem. Challenges can be healthy as it makes us grow stronger with each other.

How has your sex life changed since becoming a wife and what do you do to keep it thriving?
Hahahahaha, here's the quick answer, KIDS! :) I think with what we do all day between work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, etc, at the end of the day we are just exhausted. We don't actually schedule dates for each other but we do kind of flirt with each other and wherever it leads is wherever it leads. Sometimes it leads to cuddling and sometimes it leads to me making a phone call and telling him to come home for lunch. We actually find that quiet exciting and it's almost makes us feel sneaky but it's fun. Actually, the kids love to see us sitting together on the sofa, or dancing together to one of our favorite tunes or even Rick walking passed me and pinching my butt. I think it's healthy for our children to see us interact with each other in that way. It gives them security in knowing that all is well.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
I think that question would be more for my husband LOL. I wish that they would have told me that it's not going to always be easy. There's not always going to be romance and you have to fight to make it work. You have to stick together and not let anyone or anything come between what you are trying to build.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Communication - it's the key to a successful marriage. I think if you and he come out and say what's on your minds it's easier than holding it in. This comes with time and trust in one another. If you know something upsets the other, then don't do it. Don't walk into a marriage thinking you can change a person. This person is who she or he is. You can make sacrifices however, to make situations fall right into place. Don't go to bed angry. Whatever the situation is, end it before today is out and start tomorrow new. It takes a while to learn this one, but in time you can do it.



Thanks, Mrs. C.

How about you? Got some Wives' Words? Wives everywhere want to know...

Winks & Smiles,

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Cheers and Tears

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

This weekend my daughter wasn’t sleeping in church …



She was singing with the angels in the children’s Easter play.

My son had two baseball games …



And decided to catch the ball with his eye instead of his glove.

Just when I think its smooth sailing this motherhood thing throws me a curve ball – no pun intend. I never thought I’d be a mom that cries at the sight of her child singing on stage or at the sight of her son’s black eye, but both of my children brought cheers and tears to my eyes this weekend.

What about you? Do you cry when your child is up or down? What curve balls has motherhood thrown you? Emotional moms want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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Dinnertime Drama Winners

The results are in for the Flash In The Pan Contest. The winners of a free one year membership to A Flash In The Pan are:

Diamond Emory
David C.
Eyeglasses & Endzones

And the semi-finalist who will be entered to win the grand prize at A Flash In The Pan’s Twitter Party tomorrow night, Wednesday, April 22 at 8 p.m.(#FIPan) is:

Mocha Dad

Congratulations to all of the winners – please e-mail me at questions@askwifey.com to claim your prize – and thank you to everyone who participated.

Winks & Smiles,

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Dinnertime Drama – Done!

Around 5 p.m. everyday I constantly find myself in a panic to pull dinner together before Husband gets home. Yes, my secret is out – I suffer from dinnertime drama.

For those of you who have dinner mapped out months in advance and place well-balanced meals on the table promptly at 6 p.m., I bow down to your greatness. For the rest of us, ahem, who balk when the question, “What’s for dinner?” is asked, I’ve got the perfect solution to end dinnertime drama. Actually, I’ve got three.

The good folks at A Flash In The Pan have given me THREE one year memberships to giveaway to celebrate the re-launch of their website.



What is A Flash In The Pan?

A Flash In The Pan is the perfect answer to, "What’s for dinner?" Every Friday, they provide a week’s worth of customizable, chef-created dinner menus for the upcoming week. Select how many servings and what time you want to eat and they’ll take care of the rest! You’ll get a shopping list and our patented Cooksheet™ to help you think and cook like a chef. All you have to do is prepare for the compliments!

I don’t know who was happier when I discovered A Flash In The Pan – me or husband!

Here’s how to win a one year membership (remember, I’ve got three of them to giveaway):

Leave me a comment about your dinnertime drama – or lack of. Yes, A Flash In The Pan is still perfect for those domesticated divas that have all of their ducks in a row.

To earn additional entries you can:

1. Follow my blog or subscribe via RSS feed (click the button of your choice on the sidebar).
2. Visit A Flash In The Pan and leave me a comment here telling me one of their professional chefs’ names.
3. Twitter about the contest and link to this post.
4. Write a post about the contest on your blog and link back to this post.

The contest will stay open until Monday, April 20 at 11:59 p.m. EST and the winner will be chosen via random.org.

Simple, right? But wait, there’s more!

A Flash In The Pan is having a Twitter Party on Wednesday, April 22 at 8 p.m.(#FIPan) and will giveaway their grand prize:

One lucky winner will win two of the founders of aflashinthepan.com – both graduated from the Culinary Institute of America and have over 35 years of professional culinary experience between them – for one evening and an incredible 6-course dinner for 6 people. Both chefs will come to the winner's house, prepare the feast AND clean up after! So, decide who your five best friends are and enter to win!

Rules for the grand prize:

1. Chefs will travel to anywhere in the United States only.
2. Chefs will pay for all travel and food expenses. If desired, any wine or alcohol will be provided by winner.
3. Menu to be determined by winner and chefs.
4. Date of dinner to be determined by winner and chefs.
5. Please enter even if you fear that your house is too dirty for company or that you will be judged-- they have children and understand!

I will submit one semi-finalist to enter the drawing for the grand prize selected from your comments/entries below. That’s FOUR prizes total. In effort to share the love, each individual can only win one.

So, what are you waiting for?

Here’s to never having to think about what’s for dinner again – at least for one year!

Good luck!

Winks & Smiles,

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Mother's Day Dilemma: Mad Mom or Angry Husband

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband wants us to go visit his mom for Mother’s Day weekend. My mother lives in the same city that we do and we always spend Mother’s Day with her. I know she’s going to be upset if we go away and my husband is going to be upset if we don’t. Either way I lose. What should I do?

- Mrs. Mad Mom or Angry Husband

Dear Mrs. Mad Mom or Angry Husband:

I know she’s your mother — the woman who gave birth to you, cared for you and raised you to be the wonderful person that you are — BUT, you might want to consider going with your husband this time. It’s important to remember and respect that he has a mother who did all of those things for him, too. Since you’ve spent every previous Mother’s Day with your mother and she lives in the same area that you do, I think that it’s a reasonable request for your husband to want his wife to travel with him to visit his family for a change.

Dividing your time and attention between two families can be challenging but necessary if circumstances do not allow for everyone to be together during special days. Explain this to your mother gently, but don’t be apologetic — you are not doing anything wrong! Plan something special for the two of you to do before you leave so she doesn’t feel like an after thought. Making a schedule for future Mother’s Days (and other holidays, too) may relieve some of the stress. If you have a plan and everyone is aware of it ahead of time it can help alleviate the pressure.

Winks & Smiles,

Would you stay or would you go? How do you handle holidays between families? Daughters everywhere want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Don’t Sleep on Sunrise Service

A sneak peek inside Wifey’s House

When Husband told me he wanted to attend sunrise service this Easter I was pleased – it’s such a beautiful affair – but dreaded the thought of getting everyone up, dressed and out the door, meltdown free, for 6 a.m. service. It didn’t help that my neighbor had a get-together the night before and the kids didn’t reach their beds until 11 p.m.

I know. (insert disapproving headshake here).

To my surprise both kids and Husband popped up smiling, ready for the candlelight service and the shrimp and grits breakfast that followed. Feeling relieved that my worst fears of bringing sleep-deprived children to church at the crack of dawn on the holiest day of the year didn’t come true, I settled into the pew – ready to hear the good word and say a few amen’s – so I’m sure you can imagine how horrified I felt when midway through the sermon I looked over at my kids and saw this …



Gasp!

Then this …



Gasp! Gasp!

Yes, both of my children were knocked out, sleepin’ in sunrise service. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or sneak out of the pew so I did what any respectable mother would do – I took pictures of them.

How about you? Have your children ever fallen asleep during an inappropriate time? What did you do? Mortified mamas want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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Streamlining

Do you ever feel like you’re juggling too many balls and if you don’t make a change soon one of them is going to hit you in the head?

(insert “Um, hell yeah, Wifey” here)

While I love all of my balls, ahem, I do feel the need to streamline so that I can work smarter – not harder. With that said I’ve decided to combine residences, pack up Wifey’s House and make all of my posts here – on one blog.

What does that mean for you? More Wifey. While Wifey’s House was where I let loose a little more, gasp, I’ve been finding that I’ve wanted to share the same things on both blogs so this seems like the perfect solution.

If you read both blogs, now you have one less stop to make; and if you’ve never been to Wifey’s House I look forward to welcoming you to that side of my world.

How about you? Do you ever feel like you’re juggling too many balls and if you don’t make a change soon one of them is going to hit you in the head? Multi-tasking Mamas want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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Shopping Anyone?

Today's the last day to win this ...


A $25 Target Gift Card at The BlogRollers.

What are you waiting for? Come on. Hurry. Now.

Winks & Smiles,

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Married to a Big Spender

Dear Wifey:

My husband and I just found out we’re getting back a $7,000 tax return. I think we should spend most of it paying off our credit card debt, but he has visions of a flat screen TV, some other electronic gadgets and a trip to Las Vegas. I hate to see all that money wasted when it could clear up the majority of our debt and put us down a positive road to financial stability. How do I make him see things my way?

-Mrs. Married to a Big Spender

Dear Mrs. Married to a Big Spender:

Kudos to you for being financially responsible and trying to wipeout most of your debt – especially in these tough economic times – but it sounds like you and your husband are on two totally different pages when it comes to money. Unfortunately you can’t make him see things your way, but you can share with him what you would like to do and why.

Don’t preach to him, talk down to him or make him feel foolish — even if he is. It will only make him defensive. Put together a brief plan of what you would like to do with the money and how it will benefit both of you now and in the future. You might want to include in the plan that flat screen TV or one of the things he wants so that he gets an immediate reward (in addition to knocking out his debt) then he may be more inclined to work with you.

I also suggest having additional conversations to set up a financial plan complete with short and long term goals. Understand that some compromising will be necessary to reach financially harmony in your house, but you will be much happier when you both are reading from the same page.

Winks & Smiles,

Are you married to a big spender? How do you reach financial harmony in your house? Don’t be shy; money managing mamas want to know …

If you haven’t been over to The BlogRollers to check out my new site and enter to win a $25 Target gift card what are you waiting for? Go. Now. Hurry.

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

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Today’s the Day

I’m so pleased to announce the launch of my new project The BlogRollers. To celebrate this momentous occasion my partner, the wonderful Christie at My Life… A Work in Progress, and I are hosting a contest at The BlogRollers where the winner will receive this …

A $25 gift card to Target

I can’t win but you can by showing me a little love at The BlogRollers. Please come by, see what we’re up to, and how you can win and join in the fun.

And no worries, Ask Wifey isn’t going anywhere. I will continue to manage marriage, motherhood and all the mayhem; and look forward to posting my first Wives’ Words feature this week.

Winks & Smiles,

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What's Wifey Up To Now?

As if managing marriage, motherhood and all the mayhem isn’t enough I’m working on another exciting project with the lovely and talented Christie at My Life … A Work in Progress, and will announce it next week on The ChatterBox Show.



This Monday, April 6, at 10 a.m. EST, tune in to The ChatterBox Show to learn more about our special project as we celebrate the official launch and share some of the very special surprises we’ve got up our sleeves.

I love surprises, don’t you?

Winks & Smiles,

OK, for those of you who don’t love surprises and took the time to read this full post, click here and get the scoop early.

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Need a New ‘Do

Dear Wifey:

I’m thinking about changing my look and cutting my hair. It’s been the same length – down the middle of my back – since I finished college about eight years ago. I want a new look, but when I told my husband I was thinking about cutting it all off; I could tell he was less than enthused. He told me to do whatever I want, but made it clear that he likes it long. I’m not sure what I should do. It sounds so old fashioned, but should I do what he wants?

- Mrs. Need a New ‘Do

Dear Mrs. Need a New ‘Do:

It’s not old fashioned to want to please your man and take his thoughts into consideration – it’s smart. After all, he’s the one that looks at you the most. It is old fashioned for him to demand that you keep your hair long as if you don’t have the right to choose. Fortunately, he didn’t do that and he said all the right things.

You should do what you want to do, it’s your hair and you need to feel good about your own personal appearance. It was also smart for him to let you know how he likes to see you. Reverse the rolls for a minute. What if your husband has never had a beard; then one day decided to become Grizzly Adams and let it grow to the floor? Sounds drastic right? Maybe, but it’s not much different than going from long flowing hair down your back to a short spiky ‘do.

So, what should you do? Go for a new look, but keep your husband in mind. If you know that he can’t stand really short hair, don’t get a buzz cut, try a sophisticated shoulder length bob. Be true to your wants, needs and desires, but be careful not to turn off your husband in the process.

Winks & Smiles,

Do you do your ‘do the way your husband likes it? Don’t be shy; stylish wives want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.

Read more...