Holiday Shake Up

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

I’m starting to get nervous with the holidays coming up. This is our newlywed year and the first time we have to deal with where to go for the holidays. We both have big families and normally spend the holidays with our own. Both of our families live in two different states. How can we be in two places at once? Help, please!

- Mrs. Holiday Shake Up

Dear Mrs. Holiday Shake Up:

First of all take a deep breath. I realize this is a big obstacle for many families, but by addressing it early I’m sure you will find a workable solution. Getting nervous and stressing out will only make things worse. Unfortunately, you can’t be in two places at once, but you do have two major holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas or Hanukkah) coming and can split them up between the two families. Dividing the two is a common remedy that often satisfies most. Hopefully your families will be supportive and understanding, but you should know that it’s impossible to please everyone.

Start having conversations with your husband now about what is important about the holidays to both of you; and to your families. It might take a series of conversations to hash it out, but once you both make a decision stand united and share it sooner than later so that your families have time to digest it, too. Remember this is an adjustment for everyone so be sympathetic, but don’t fall prey to guilt trips. Enjoy the time you’ll have with each family and look forward to starting new traditions of your own.

Winks & Smiles,

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How about you? How does your family handle the holidays? Do you split them up? Alternate years? Make everyone come to you? Wives everywhere want to know ...

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.


La'Tonya Richardson September 9, 2009 at 11:52 AM  

Wifey, that was great advice!

We live close to my parents, and in the same town with most of my husband's family. What we've done is find out who's coming home for the holidays. If my sister travels from Houston, it's automatic, we're going to my mother's. I like to put my ear to the ground, and listen for any big gatherings brewing on one side or the other, and decide accordingly.

We have also hosted the family gathering, and invited both sides. That was fun!

Shanny September 9, 2009 at 2:31 PM  

Great advice as usual wifey!

MrsM September 9, 2009 at 7:22 PM  

I agree-splitting holidays is the way to go if you have relatives that all want to have you over. I'm very lucky in that one set of Hubby's parents live 8 hours away so we're not going there, and one set of them have small children (6 and 7) which they take to see THEIR parents-so we just go visit my family for Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve, spend Christmas Day home as a family, and then go visit Hubby's parents for the holidays but on a different day.

Eyeglasses & Endzones September 9, 2009 at 11:41 PM  

Or, you could just be like my hubs and I and have both our families is not the best solution but it seems to work for us...;)

Good Luck Splitting holidays!!! ;)

Mammatalk September 10, 2009 at 7:16 PM  

Ah, the growing pains of early marriage.

Great advice!

Talking with Tami September 13, 2009 at 12:45 AM  

When we lived in Cleve we would go to my moms first then go to his families house last.Now that we moved away they come down for her lil mini vacay we love it and plus they like getting away from the cold weather lol

Expat Barbie September 13, 2009 at 3:14 AM  

while it can be difficult to find a balance, i think you've offered a great solution.

Funkidivagirl September 13, 2009 at 2:53 PM  

It was actually easier for us when we lived in a different state then our parents. One side would come visit us and had our undivided attention. Now that we live in the same state as both sides of the family, it is extremely stressful as everyone expects us to come over to their house and the other side gets offended if we don't come there. I start getting anxious around Halloween.

Jen @ After The Alter October 2, 2009 at 2:23 PM  

My husband and I had the same problem. His family lives 5 mins away and mine 2 1/ when it comes to holidays I am certainly going home, and I made this clear pre marriage...the way we worked it out is that my family is having Thanksgivingon a different day. We decided the day is about being together and not the actual day, so I go to my in laws Thanksgiving, we drive to pa friday and my family does thanksgiving on for Christmas I wouldn't budge (I love christmas) so we have christmas dinner w/ his family on a different date and we travel to PA for actual christmas. It worked well for our first year of marriage:)

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