Wives' Words: Mozi Esme's Mom

Friday, August 21, 2009

It's back. Wives' Words. The first two installments were so well received that I decided to start posting it again. As much as I’d like to think that my opinion is the only one people want to read, I realize that’s not the case, ahem, so I created Wives' Words to highlight other wives and share their words of wisdom with you.

This week's wife is Jane Maritz from the wonderful blog, Mozi Esmé. One of my favorite and regular reads Jane writes through the eyes of her 2 year-old daughter, Esmé, sharing kids activities, craft ideas, community involvement and even fashion tips on a global level – Esmé spent her first two years living in Mozambique.

Here's Mrs. Maritz's Wives' Words:

Name: Jane Maritz
Husband’s name: Hendrik Maritz
Years married: 15 as of August 7
Children (ages): Esmé - age 28 months
Occupation: Currently a stay-at-home mom; previously in Accounting, Financial Systems, and Financial Management
Blogs/websites: Mozi Esme - the day-to-day adventures of Miss Esmé; and Winning Readings - a bulletin board of family-friendly book giveaways

What was your biggest fear about getting married? Did it come true?
I honestly can't remember any fears. I got married young (when I was 20), and all I can remember is being excited about it!

The previous year I had been accepted into medical school in the US, while my future husband was in South Africa. I struggled with deciding whether to stay in the US or try to get into med school in South Africa so I could be closer to him. Psalm 139:9-10 became very meaningful; knowing God was with me no matter my decision alleviated my fears... Med school never materialized, but I did get married!

What’s the best thing about having a husband?
Never being lonely.

There is always someone to talk to; someone to share the latest gossip and thoughts and ideas. My husband is passionate about EVERYTHING, which makes him a great listener and conversationalist. And he is a great problem-solver, which means I never have to stress about solving problems on my own.

What’s the most challenging thing about being married?
Figuring out my husband's "love language" and using it.

We are complete opposites. I do a great job of showing love the way I want to be loved. But it's meaningless to him. I want acceptance and appreciation. He wants inspiration and motivation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg in our differences. So we both feel like we're being selfless in GIVING the other what WE want, yet we're both feeling unsatisfied because we're not GETTING what we want.

What do you wish someone would have warned you about being married?
That marriage takes work.

For the first 10 years of our marriage, I thought it was easy. Being laid back, I didn't stress over things much. Our financial philosophies are similar; we never fought over things; we just seemed to be great companions. Marriage didn't seem to require much effort. The last 5 years have been rough, to be honest. Having a child (who we both adore!) accentuates our differences and gives us less time to focus on each other. And I'm wishing I had invested more of my time into our relationship in the early years. Spent less time following my own interests and found little ways to make his day, to let him know I'm interested in every aspect of his life, to let him know I care about what makes him happy.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with other wives?
Be genuinely interested in your husband's life!

It's not enough to just listen to what he has to say about his day and to passively accompany him to football games (or rock climbing and whitewater rafting) or whatever his hobby may be. Read up on his line of work and on his hobbies so you can converse intelligently. Visit his job site regularly if possible. Make a point of finding out something new about him every day - of figuring out his favorite snacks or musicians, his favorite massage spots, his little pet peeves, what makes him feel loved - so you can do things for him that show you really care about him as a person. To some people, this comes naturally; to others like me, it takes a conscious decision and effort...

Thanks, Mrs. Maritz!

How about you? Got some Wives' Words? Wives everywhere want to know …

Winks & Smiles,

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SarahHub August 21, 2009 at 11:23 AM  

You're so right! Being married is wonderful - I have a constant BFF, right here in my house! But it also takes work - sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. I have found the same rings true for us in parenting - it has accentuated our differences. It's helping us both learn and grow!

Thanks for the great advice!

Brooke August 21, 2009 at 11:27 AM  

great advice :) (visiting from mozi esme's blog) i'm a newly wed, but i'm quickly picking up on key real estate phrases (the hubs profession). i even estimated what the newest foreclosure of interest would go for - and it was right in line with what he was thinking.

if only i could get the letting him be the strong man and speak for me thing down, rather than the opposite. i but in way too much and try to fight his battles for him.

Jennifer August 21, 2009 at 11:35 AM  

Visiting from Jane's blog... isn't she so smart! I can relate to a lot of what Jane shared.

And, on a completely different note, Wifey, I think I saw your picture on a web site featuring video product reviews, but I can't remember the product. Could it have been the purex 3 in 1 laundry thingy??

Annette W. August 21, 2009 at 1:21 PM  

I appreciate Jane's writings, too! Thanks for sharing! I look forward to exploring this blog, too.

La'Tonya Richardson August 21, 2009 at 1:40 PM  

I really enjoyed this post. Understanding each other's love language is KEY! We read that book also, and has added more to our relationship!

Janelle August 21, 2009 at 5:59 PM  

Those are great words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing. Sorta of like an aha moment!

thatgirlblogs August 22, 2009 at 1:01 AM  

love this little interview format!

Shanny August 23, 2009 at 10:31 AM  

Love the advice in "words of wisdom"! Cute family =)

LeNesha August 23, 2009 at 7:23 PM  

What great words of advise. At a certain point in my marriage, I felt a "lack of love" from my husband and seriously felt a void in our marriage even though I mentally knew that he loved me very much. It's not until we both read the book the 5 Love Languages that we realized that though we each knew that we loved each other, we both experienced the love of the other in our own love languages. When my husband started showing his love for me in my own love language rather than what he thought was a good expression, I felt so much more complete and that void that I first felt was gone.

So, thanks for the reminder Jane! It's great advise. And, thank you wifey for sharing Wives' Words.

Jenny August 24, 2009 at 12:09 AM  

What a great post! I can totally relate to the love language thing. It's so easy to love how we want to be loved, but to figure out how the other person wants to be loved takes so much.

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