Monday, February 22, 2010
Wifey’s Q and A
I have been married for eight years to my husband and we have three beautiful daughters. I found out that my husband had a year-long relationship with a college friend he had not seen in about 12 years. I have forgiven my husband but I seem not to get past the hurt and how I found out. We are going to counseling but It's like we are not going anywhere with it. I am so disconnected from him. I am not in love with my husband. I do care for him but I can say love does not live here in my heart. I am trying to put the pieces back but have much lack of effort from him. I have spoken to him and have written letters to him about my feelings but it does not move him to fix the relationship. I’m wondering should I stay or go?
- Mrs. Conflicted
Dear Mrs. Conflicted:
I applaud your effort in seeking counseling and trying to put the pieces back together in your relationship. I am big supporter of the institution of marriage, of counseling, and trying to make things work, but sometimes couples have to face the reality that it might be better for the entire family, children included, if they separate. Unfortunately, no one can tell you when it’s time to leave your marriage but you.
It must be difficult to try to heal your heart and move past the pain when your partner is not putting forth any effort. It takes two people to save a broken marriage and though you might like to, you can’t make him come to the table. Perhaps you might consider some counseling sessions on your own to help you decide if you are ready to end the marriage. A counselor could also help you figure out if the love is truly gone from your heart or if it’s the hurt talking; and help you prepare your next steps if you decide to leave.
I’m not certain how long you’ve been faced with your husband’s infidelity, but I do suggest that you give yourself some time to deal with your feelings. Follow your heart, your head and your gut. Women were blessed with strong instincts; don’t be afraid to use them.
Winks & Smiles,
How about you? Any “wives” words? Share your wisdom. Conflicted wives want to know …
The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.