Slowed-down Sex Drive

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Wifey’s Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

I was recently laid off from my job and I’m stressed about finding a new one; and about money. My husband is more laid back than me and is not worried at all. The stress is messing with my sex drive, but my husband’s is in full swing. Do I have to do it every time he wants it, even if it’s the last thing on my mind? Don’t get me wrong, I love having sex with my husband, but while I’m focusing on trying to get my life together, I’m just not as into it. How can I slow him down without totally turning him off?

- Mrs. Slowed-down Sex Drive

Dear Mrs. Slowed-down Sex Drive:

You should slow him down very carefully. You might be going through a little slump right now, but you’re correct, you don’t want to turn him off totally. Although we often expect men to initiate sex, we don’t always take into consideration their feelings about rejection. Saying no too often can start to mess with even the strongest man’s sexual confidence and self-esteem –especially if there is no communication or they don’t understand why. Remember, men and women think differently. Your stress slows down your sex drive, but it doesn’t stop your husband’s in the slightest.

With that said, no, you do not have to have sex every time he wants to, but, you should be considerate about when and how you say no. Tell him how you feel so he doesn’t assume your lack of interest is something he’s doing wrong. You should also say yes sometimes, even when you might not feel like it – not only for him, but for you, too. You sound like you enjoy your sex life. Keeping it thriving might be a great way for you to release some of your anxiety. If you’re more relaxed you’ll be able to focus better on your job search. I’m willing to bet if you let yourself enjoy your husband’s advances more often than not, both you and your husband will be less stressed and glad that you did.

Winks & Smiles,

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How about you? Does your sex drive slow down under stress? How do you handle your husband’s advances when you’re not in the mood? Stressed-out wives want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.


Tales of Whimsy June 25, 2009 at 4:37 PM  

Wow wifey! Awesome advice. I agree.
My only addition is to say this:
Consider telling him how you feel. How the stress is making you feel less driven or sexy.
He might be willing to go the extra mile to make you feel better. Like candles, back rubs, etc.
Open the lines of communication and your man might surprise you.

Eyeglasses & Endzones June 25, 2009 at 6:35 PM  

Good advice girl! Totally dead on. Hubs and I go through peaks and valleys here so I might not be the best person to ask but since you did, I will say that I often realize that it is a "Need" of my husbands...kind of like I Need the bed to made every day so, sometimes, I start off not in the mood and then when I am in the midst of it, I DIG IT there you go. My 2 cents, you can give me my change now!!! LOL ;)

QueenBee June 26, 2009 at 1:04 AM  

Whenever I am not in the mood, hubby always finds something different to do to help get me in the mood and vice versa. I am here to please his needs and he is here to please mine. Just because I don't feel like it doesn't mean that I have to deprive him of his needs. But it's actually I'm the one who always wants it all 9 days out of the week and all 27 hours of the day.

Mammatalk June 28, 2009 at 6:49 PM  

Great advice. Maybe start with a long bath or back rub??

Mammatalk June 28, 2009 at 6:57 PM  

OK, just watched your TLC wedding video and got all teary eyed.

LeNesha June 28, 2009 at 9:55 PM  

Great advice! There are definitely times when working overtime really puts a toll on my physically, and I am just exhausted. There are also times when hubby is exhausted from his busy days. We make sure to keep open communication between us and let each other know what's going on with us. So yes, during those times, sex drive is slowed down, but it definitely doesn't come to a hault, realizing that the joy of allowing yourself to be free with your hubby sometimes overshadows the exhaustion and stress.

Felicia - I complete Me June 29, 2009 at 2:23 PM  

Great answer as always Wifey. I actually went through this in reverse. When hubby is not feeling like "The Man" of the house it's hard to get sex from him as well. Talking about what's going on and letting him know why you are feeling this way is very good. I was beginning to feel rejected and once we talked about it I layed off a bit. So keep the communication open and understanding and things should be okay. Also, like Wifey said having sex when you don't want to sometimes can help you relax and keep your sex life thriving.

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