And That's How the Fight Started

Monday, July 20, 2009

A Sneak Peek Inside Wifey’s House

A little mindless marriage humor

One of Husband’s male friends e-mailed this to him and in turn he forwarded it to me. Coincidentally, he sent it on a night that I was desperately trying to bite my tongue and not start a fight …


One year a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year he didn't buy her a gift.When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started...

My wife walked into the den and asked "What’s on the TV?"I replied "Dust.”And that's how the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight's damn near perfect.”And that's how the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.” I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started...

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, "the kitchen?”And that's how the fight started...

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then asked, “Is that your final answer?” She didn't even look at me this time, just simply said “Yes.”So I said, “Then I'd like to phone a friend.”And that's how the fight started...

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt.” So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” and she processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.”And that's how the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.” My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”And that's how the fight started...

I'm not sure who to credit these little gems to but they sure have a good sense of humor … and hopefully a good marriage, too.

Winks & Smiles,

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Armywife101 July 20, 2009 at 2:00 AM  

These were funny even my husband cracked up especially at the scale one lol!

Sandra Winn July 20, 2009 at 5:14 AM  

ROFLOL...I'm going to send these "gems" to my husband today! He is always making wise cracks, they usually don't start a fight though...

One day we were down to the nitty-gritty on grub at the end of payday and I cleaned out the refrigerator. Later that afternoon I opened the refrigerator door and this note (in large print mind you) is what stared me in the face: COMING SOON...FOOD!

Hugs ~ Sandy

Tammy July 20, 2009 at 8:24 AM  

Okay, that's just the laugh I needed to get my Monday started off right! I am forever indebted to you for bringing a little sunshine to this dreary morning!

Anonymous,  July 20, 2009 at 9:36 AM  

I am going to save these until such a time that I am ready to start a fight ;0)

QueenBee July 20, 2009 at 10:20 AM  

I am laughing so hard that I hope I got on a panty-liner because I felt something come out.

Kathy B! July 20, 2009 at 11:41 AM  

These are hilarious! These folks either had great marriages... or great attorneys (to get them out of jail after they went postal on their spouses!)

MOMSWEB July 20, 2009 at 12:16 PM  

LOL! Toooo funny! I wonder if I would consider these funny if they were actually said to me? Laughter is good medicine!

Shanny July 20, 2009 at 6:16 PM  

Hee hee
thanks for the laugh!

thatgirlblogs July 21, 2009 at 10:45 AM  

loved the one about her eyesight being perfect... following your blog ;)

3 Bay B Chicks July 21, 2009 at 2:22 PM  

These were sheer genius...although I definitely think there should have been more from the woman's perspective.

Women are always funnier than men. :)


Banteringblonde July 21, 2009 at 7:18 PM  

heehee these were awesome! I love it.... and that's how the fight started!

Anonymous,  July 21, 2009 at 8:15 PM  

Absolutely Hilarious!!!! I loved each one!!! This is my first time visiting your blog but I can tell you one thing...I'll be back! Thorougly enjoyed it and can't wait to read more...AWESOME!!! Hopefully this will become a habitual monday blog your readers can look forward to!

Mozi Esme July 21, 2009 at 11:27 PM  

Terrible!! :) I'll have to remember not to start any fights this way...

Anonymous,  July 22, 2009 at 3:01 PM  

Ive seen some of these but not all of them. Thanks for the laugh.

Blu Jewel July 22, 2009 at 10:29 PM  

OMG x10 that was some of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Jennifer July 22, 2009 at 10:36 PM  

Hahaha, that is just too funny! Thanks for sharing these! It's been so fun hanging out with you! :)

Mocha Dad July 26, 2009 at 9:36 PM  

Great jokes. I wish I had thought of them myself.

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