Tempted to Tell

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wifey's Weekly Q and A

Dear Wifey:

My husband and some of the guys went out over the weekend. He told me that one of his friends, who is dating one of my friends, was flirting with a girl at the bar. I feel like she should know. I don’t want my husband to be mad at me, but we girls have to stick together right? Should I tell?

- Mrs. Tempted to Tell

Dear Mrs. Tempted to Tell:

No, you shouldn’t tell unless you never want your husband to tell you anything again. I’m all for female camaraderie, but “pillow talk” between you and your husband should stay private between you and your husband. Clearly he gave you a “wife pass” and shared some of the guys’ happenings with you believing that whatever he says to you stays with you. You should be the one person that he doesn’t have to worry about breaking his confidence and vice versa.

And, why does she need to know that? Human beings flirt – even married ones. Gasp! It’s when people take it too far that it’s a problem, ahem, but that’s another post. Unless you are told something that you’re certain puts your friend in danger – at which point you should talk openly with your husband about diffusing the situation – then you should keep his secrets, no matter how tempting, to yourself.

Winks & Smiles,

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How about you? Do you keep your husband’s secrets or are you quick to gab to the girls? Wives – and husbands – want to know …

The advice on this site is intended to be helpful, but is not meant to take the place of marital counseling, legal advice, financial advice or any other professional service. If you feel you need professional help, it is encouraged for you to get some.


Angela Nazworth May 27, 2009 at 10:37 AM  

Excellent advice..I agree about keeping conversations with husband's private.

Unknown May 27, 2009 at 11:01 AM  

I agree with keeping your conversation with your husband private. It's not right to ruin his confidence in you.
I also don't think you should tell because your friend isn't married to him. Dating is different then married. No ring on the finger means they are still available no matter how serious they are.
Now, I don't necessarily agree that all people flirt and certainly married people shouldn't give their spouse a reason to feel insecure in their marriage by flirting. But since that isn't a problem here...then no problem!

Shanny May 27, 2009 at 11:22 AM  

Keeping "pillow talk" private is very important. I would hate to lose my husband's trust in telling me things, him on the other hand? forgets easily what he isn't supposed to tell and has a big mouth, it would be annoying if I didn't know that he just doesn't like secrets and it takes too much work for him to keep them. Ah well!

QueenBee May 27, 2009 at 12:11 PM  

I do agree. If hubby wanted it to go any further, he probably would have posted it here on this blog. Shhhhh!!!!

Mozi Esme May 27, 2009 at 12:27 PM  

Right on as usual... Though of course that doesn't mean you have to "like" the guy when girlfriend tells you how wonderful he is. Just don't break your husband's confidance.

Kathy B! May 27, 2009 at 12:48 PM  

You really do give some solid advice! I think maintaining the integrity of the bond with your husband trumps all in *this* situation.

joanofalltrades May 27, 2009 at 10:11 PM  

Amen wifey! I keep my hubby's secrets cuz like you said, if I tell, he'll forever withhold info. And who needs that? Not me.

Ms. Wanda May 28, 2009 at 12:19 AM  

So, true Wifey! Besides if she tells her girlfriend won't believer her and her husband won't tell her anything for like 10 years!!!

MsTypo May 28, 2009 at 2:30 AM  

Great advice as always, Wifey! Hubby and I are always sharing secrets but it stops there. It's easier to keep a secret when you can tell one person who would never tell on pain of lactose induced torture. :)

Oh and flirting is not a problem. As long as it stays at flirting.

MOMSWEB May 28, 2009 at 4:35 PM  

I agree, pillow talk is private, which is why I tell my husband NOT to tell me anything involving my female associates.

Anonymous,  May 31, 2009 at 9:47 PM  

Great advice, Wifey. Pillow talk is definitely private and flirting is really nothing to tell.

Anonymous,  June 1, 2009 at 12:40 AM  

If the guy is a player then your girlfriend will eventually see it for herself. I am the wife that hears something from her husband and always is juuuuust about to spill the beans to her girls when she realizes that the person in question is actually THERE in the car and then I backpeddle and try to talk about the weather. I'm shameful.

My best, Lynn

Felicia - I complete Me June 1, 2009 at 12:52 PM  

I completely agree with you. If you were to tell then hubby will lose all trust in you and you will never get another wifey pass. Plus do you think your friend will mess up her relationship if the shoes were on the other foot.

Secondly, flirting is just that flirting. I'm sure my husband flirts when he's out with the guys. I know I flirt when I'm out with the girls (how is a girls suppose to get a drink at the bar). But unless he told you something that is beyond that, then you need to talk to your hubby on how the situation should be handled.

MrsM June 2, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

I, like everyone else, agree with Wifey! All of our friends know that telling Hubby something is exactly the same as telling me because we talk about EVERYTHING, but that doesn't mean that I have the right to share everything that gets shared with Hubby. If I had a reason that I felt it was really important to say something about information that was passed to me I would (and have) just tell him that HE needs to say something to his friend about the situation.

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