Monday, March 30, 2009
In honor of March Madness, I thought this would be appropriate:
Ten signs of a sports fanatic...
Your husband’s score is determined by how many signs apply to him. Give your hubby one point for every behavior that applies.
1. He watches ESPN's SportsCenter more than three times in a row. SportsCenter, a daily sports news show, often re-airs the same show several times a day until the next one is produced. It's like watching the same Entertainment Tonight more than once.
2. He listens to sports radio every time he’s in the car and thinks the “2 Live Stews" should run for political office. The “2 Live Stews" are two brothers who have one of the most popular nationally syndicated sports talk shows in the country. Think The View for men — hot topics and all.
3. He’s superstitious and has to wear his team’s jersey, baseball hat, underwear, socks or some sort of paraphernalia while watching the game. He’ll even pull it out of the dirty laundry if it’s not clean. OK, I’m not telling on Napoleon here, but let’s just say I can vouch for this one from firsthand experience.
4. If his team loses, you can pretty much forget the romantic dinner that you planned for later. His mood is ruined as if he missed the game-winning field goal himself.
5. His idea of the perfect trip is traveling across country by plane, train or automobile to tailgate (enjoy barbecue and beer) in the parking lot of the stadium where his favorite team plays even if he doesn’t have tickets to go in and see the game. Being in the parking lot is enough for him.
6. He really can’t understand why his team’s bean bag, blanket, throw pillows, lamp and football-shaped clock do not go with the decor of your living room. Refer to the Living Together chapter; this is exactly why every man should have his own space in your home.
7. He can’t remember your birth date, how old his mother is, or to pick up the dry-cleaning on his way home from work, but he can tell you who won the 1982 Super Bowl (the San Francisco 49ers) and recite all of the game statistics, including who quarterbacked, how many yards he threw for, what the defense did, and give you an announcer’s style descriptive play-by-play of the entire game.
8. He thinks NASCAR would be a great name for your first child. Boy or girl.
9. He seriously suggested borrowing against his 401k or taking out a second mortgage on your house to buy one season ticket for his favorite team. One. That means even if you want to, you don’t get to go.
10. He enters every “biggest fan” contest dying for the opportunity to live out his childhood (and grown-man) fantasies — stepping into the batter’s box and slugging a homerun out of the ballpark; throwing that halftime, half-court basketball shot in front of thousands of screaming fans; or receiving a kick and returning it the entire length of the football field.
See how your husband scores.
1-3 is mild — Consider yourself lucky and go with the flow.
4-7, moderate — It can get pretty intense, but be patient and set parameters. Give his favorite sport a try or take advantage of the time to do something for yourself.
8 or more, maniac — Your man has the potential to get out of control. You and your husband need to come up with “game rules” to keep him and you from going crazy. If you two can’t communicate and compromise effectively — in the off season so that he can be objective — seek a referee or professional help, and pray that his team has a winning season.
Winks & Smiles,
Excerpted from the book, Help! I’m a Newlywed … What Do I Do Now: Wife-Saving Advice Every New Bride Must Know to Survive the First Year of Marriage (30 Miles Media, Inc.).